Not Today Bobo.

Ok, quick update! I did not fuck theThrowback. Honestly I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It wasn’t worth the risk of ruining a perfectly great reunion. I will always remember him as the cool kid who had a crush on me and was too shy to do anything about it. And I’ll always remember how I fantasized about him for months, dreaming of all the possibilities. But really it came down to this, if the last thing he said to me that night wasn’t, ‘Wanna’ see my weiner?’ I might’ve followed through. HAAA! I wish I were joking, I really do.

Lesson of the day, Ladies…
the Devil is in the Details. I left that small but crucial detail out for a reason. I wanted to know what you guys would do in a similar situation if he hadn’t said that last line to you. Cuz really, how am I supposed to take a 30 year old man seriously if he calls his own dick a weiner?! And wtf kinda ‘goodbye, hope to link up another night’ is that anyways? I didn’t even register what he said until I got into my taxi. I was half way out the door and he hollered that down the stairs. LOL. This is a grown ass man!

So that was it for me, that was the deciding factor after everything else was weighed out. Hope you enjoyed talking about this little adventure with me. I’ll be back with more stories about sex, romance, and just bein’ a grown ass woman livin’ in the city trying to become the youngest female billionaire. That’s right Sara Blakely, I’m comin’ for you. 😉

 

-E

 

theThrowBack

 

‘To fuck. Or not to fuck…
That’s almost always the fuckin’ question, isn’t it?
I am theConductor. And my favourite word is Fuck. –E’

12 years later…(somewhere in Canada)

Ok, the backstory first. Cuz you knowww there’s always a fuckin’ backstory containing the cruuucial details that make all the difference in the world. And I need some advice, for real though. I mean, what’s a woman to do when she simply can’t decide? Answer: Ask a friend. So I’m askin’.

Here’s the story.
This guy was actually the first sexual fantasy I ever had. How fucked is that? That’s pretty much all I remember about, let’s call him, theCoolKid. Ya, we’re going back to that shit, high school days. Fuck, pre-highschool even. He was my big brother’s friend when I was still in elementary school! I’m talking 10, 11 years old… nottt good years for my look. And I’m from a stuuupidly small town, like one highschool small, so we all grew up together. Him and my brother got close after a few years and he started coming over and hanging out more often. Cut to a year before highschool and if you know my stories you can imagine how incredibly sexual I was at this point, even if I wasn’t ready to explore that with someone else… but the truth is, I thought about it with this one. For the first time ever I wanted to reallllly know what it would be like to have that incredible orgasm I’d craved like a drug for years with someone else.

In my present memory of this little crush, it was short lived. We weren’t in the same circles at all. And there were really only a few to begin with. I was always a chameleon, in my mind, I floated from group to group and was kinda friends with everyone. Really I was a bit of a loner. I liked spending time on my own, I was always kinda doin my own thing. Social, but livin’ two lives forsure. He was, well theCoolKid. Everyone knew him, he was well liked. Even was nice to the ugly girls, blah blah. A social butterfly and the principal’s son.

I left this small town when I was 16 and JUST starting to get hot. I didn’t even hit puberty til 6 months later and was still a virgin. So cut to present, none of those people have seen me for 12 years minimum and I get this message, you guessed it, from theCoolKid a few days ago and he says he’s comin to myCity for the weekend and wants to link, if I’m interested. (P.S. Classic insecure addition to a perfectly cool request to link). So I rip through his facebook real quick and outside of seeming to have gained some weight, he looked like a decent enough guy. I was curious enough so I thought, fuck it, why not catch up? I message back and tell him I’m workin’ all weekend and he should stop by my bar and say hi with the friend he’s visiting with.

Next day is Friday and long story short, he goes to an event and stops by after. Let’s be specific though, cuz I know you wanna know, Ladies… What kinda guy is he? The rough and burley type. Used to be a basketball player. Jock from a small town, that’s his type to a tee. He’s theCoolKid. Always talkin’ and tellin’ jokes. He’s tall too, like 6’7” tall. Which is obviously sexy as fuck, but I ain’t into the beard, and his was scruffy and blah in my mind. Still kinda beautiful though. The eyes, the smile. And when I saw him in person he wasn’t as heavy and outta’ shape as I thought. Still athletic forsure, just one of those body types that if he isn’t constantly training he carries a bit of extra weight around the middle. More soft than anything, and to me, sloppy. Definitely not myStyle. I’m tiny as fuck and have incredible stamina in bed and an even more ferocious appetite. So I really need someone who can keep up and doesn’t crap out on me. I like to play the tap out game.

Hmmm, what else can I tell you to give you a good feel for this guy? Man, cuz I can break this down as ‘For’ and ‘Against’ all day long, just like the lawyer I used to wanna be. But the real question becomes… and really the only question is… is it worth it if it wasn’t worth it?

Hear me out, cuz there’s important shit I haven’t told you yet. Question: If he ain’t any good, or I just leave feeling like it was crap sex, or a shit connection, or whatever, like it was a waste of my youth when I’m gunna go home and fuck myself until I’m satisfied anyways…. will it have been worth it to fuck my childhood crush just for the sentimentality of it? You gotta weigh it out right? I can and always have fucked who I want, when I want, so after 10+ years of runnin’ a roster, it ain’t enough, the sentimentality of an old crush fuck is only worth it about half the time in my limited experience. Jus sayin.

How’s that shit for a dirty fuckin’ question. I laugh at guys who think they’re the only ones with twisted desires and fantasies and fetishes. Pfff, as if. You ever met a free woman with a fierce appetite for power and sex, one that matches perhaps even your own?

Ok, so we’re hangin’ out at the bar and it’s pretty slow, so I get off work early and we’re all hangin out, catchin’ up. End of the night comes, we’ve been drinkin’, him a lot more than me (Con, for anyone keepin’ score) and I got a Rule man, I almost NEVER fuck someone the first time when we’re drunk. It just ain’t my thing. If I’ve fucked the guy before that’s one thing, but the first time I wanna know forsure I can trust him in the simple ways I need to trust someone I sleep with. I’m a little girl man, you gotta be fuckin careful Ladies, no matter how smart and fast and fierce you think you are. You’re dealing with a man (refer to Louis C.K. HBO Special) if you ain’t gettin what I’m saying. And I just wanna, I need to experience a person. If I desire a man, and I wanna taste, then I wanna savour it like french cuisine. I wanna be present and clear, and fuckin in it.

Seriously though, I don’t wanna fuck simply for penis in vagina. That’s like masterbating with another person, not my jam. I wanna feel a man, through and through, even if it is just straight fuckin’. That’s definitely, 100% my jam. I wanna know how he fucks, and what he desires and I wanna play and control and submit, and just fuckin’ rawrrr, you know? Hahaha

So anyways, he’s jsut way too drunk for my taste, meaning you know I ain’t tryna’ fuck that night but maybe keep the link for another night before he leaves, cuz I’m still curious… and since we were really vibin’ and havin’ a great time catchin’ up and hearin’ about each other’s lives and shit I thought I’d be a good woman and bounce as soon as possible, not to let him think there was a chance that night. I don’t like to lead a guy on, or more so just waste people’s time. Even though I knew he wouldn’t like it, it was only cuz he wouldn’t understand I wasn’t fuckin’ him that night, no matter what. Even if it was my only chance and I’d never see him again I still probably wouldn’t. I’m talkin’ worse odds than the lottery here. Zero chance of fuckin’ me that night. Haha

But… I’m a fuckin’ sucker. Fu u u c k . And I stayed and kicked it later than I should’ve. A good girl would’ve gone the fuck home and not let it play out as long as I did. Chillin’ at his place and shit, not smart. He’s all, ‘we can just talk and hang out, it’s cool, we’re just vibin’ so good’, blah blah… And here lies the start of my dilemma. Before those extra hours it was a ‘who cares, I’ma just play this out and either way I’m cool with how this goes’ kinda vibe. Now, it’s this confession shit, layin together and getting all cozy. Too cozy. Lol. I was torn. I am fuckin’ torn. Of course I wanted to fuck. I always wanna fuck. Who the fuck doesn’t? Essspecially for a good fantasy fuck, like a throw back to your past, and I’m talkin’ your fuckin’ passst. This was the fuckin’ original, and he’s fuckin’ standin’ over me all 6’7″, lookin’ all entranced by my transformation from the scrawny little weirdo he knew TWELVE fuckin years ago. Don’t get me wrong, I’m on Facebook, I do post some pics and people have seen me change because of that but it’s a very different thing to see someone who grew up sexy as fuck that you knew from way back. Someone, he confessed later in the evening, that he had always had a majour crush on. BOOM. Validation. Satisfaction. The best thing I could’ve asked for from this one, other than a six pack with all that height, damn. (Truth: This wouldn’t even be a question if he took better care of himself. I’m a sucker for someone with massive self respect. Ha. What can I say?)

theConfession:
He told me that he used to live just a couple blocks away (which was news to me) and that he would sit there for hours sometimes and day dream about walkin’ over to my house, knockin’ on the door and just scooping me up and hugging me, and then just holding me. I ain’t even shittin’ you right now, that’s fuckin’ quoted. And he’s the best cuddler ever, btw cuz he’s tellin’ me all this shit in my ear, keepin’ me warm. I could only imagine how he fucks, cuz like a true control freak, I got up and fuckin left yo. My rules man, they’re there for a fuckin’ reason. So the struggle goes deeper.

Cuz if I fuck this kid, theCoolKid, I gotta be able to tell y’all the story in all it’s juicy details. I mean that’s why we listen to our friends bitch for hours about all their drama, is for the details, ain’t it? Maybe that’s just the lawyer in me, I’ve always thought like that… ‘weigh it out, is it worth it?’

On one hand, you could argue that I’ve always wanted to fuck this kid and therefore, why not?

On the other hand, I know already it’s a 50/50 split on whether or not it’s gunna be any fuckin’ good or not.

And truthfully, I don’t need decent sex right now, I need an incredible fuck.
Quote that shit Ladies. You can even take credit for it. 😉

Right now, what I have is incredible validation of a very old fantasy, and it feels damn good to know that he was right there with me, suffering with desire just like I was. I’ve always said man, that kinda shit is never one sided. You see someone on the street and you catch eye contact for just a split second and you had that sort of quick flutter feeling. I fuckin’ swear they felt it too. It’s so often mutual.

Now that I’m really thinkin about it too, there’s so many more details I could tell you about this story, but I’ve given you enough to make an educated guess and maybe even some good points about what I ‘should’ do, so I’ma leave you with this…

To fuck theThrowBack? Or not to fuck? That is the question.

I’ll be waiting to hear from y’all and be quick about it too, I got less than 24 hours to decide. #Werd

-E

Fuck It

Being unapologetic doesn’t mean you walk around acting like you know everything and shutting down people and their ideas before you even hear them out. You should listen when people talk, even if they start their sentences with ‘you should…’. Realistically, you don’t know everything and the people in your world are meant to help get you where you wanna go. Remember that when you start feeling high handed. You’re a beast, yes, but what is a lion king without the others around him?

We’re quick to shut down ideas that we don’t like, but sometimes it can be a detriment if we’re not listening with an open mind. A leader will listen, interpret, and put it aside if they don’t like it, knowing that it could be a valuable perspective down the road. You should never let your intelligence make the people around you feel small, or stupid. Be the one who allows people to expand their minds by always being open to new ideas and weighing out the pros and cons of all possibilities.

People often assume they have to change everything in their lives to get where they wanna go, but that’s not always true. Who you are and what you’ve done and how you think have gotten you this far haven’t they? I look at it as a constant desire for upgrades. I upgrade my thoughts, my values and my systems for day to day life when I want more. It’s simple and much less stressful. If you take little things and flip them on themselves to get you better results you constantly move forward and up. There are no stagnant moments where you feel like you’re not making any progress in your life. This way you can avoid the slippery downward spirals we all fall into on occasion. And it’s much easier to claw your way back to neutral when you look at things from this perspective.

You don’t always have to be making giant leaps forward, you just have to keep moving. As long as to you it feels like an improvement, don’t worry about who’s moving faster or making bigger achievements. When it comes time to make huge jumps you’ll be ready with the confidence you’ve built up by making constant progress. We call it, ‘Baby Steps.’

It ties into living spherically. If you make constant moves, then you make constant improvements in your life. You’ll notice how some are big and some are small, but keep in mind that all are progress. Celebrate the little wins as much as you do the big ones. They’re a lot more frequent and can keep you in a heightened state of emotion if you remain aware of them.

A little secret from The Vault: Every morning when I wake up, I get out of bed and make some coffee, I go to the washroom and brush my teeth, and I put my gym shoes on. It’s a small routine that has majour benefits. When I have my gym shoes already on, I find myself moving around the house differently. I put some music on and before I know it I’m bumpin’ and grindin’ in the mirror. I can’t help it. It feels so good to move my body like that, so I do it without thinking about going to the gym, or getting a workout in.

If you try and tell yourself before you go to bed every night that in the morning you’re going to go to the gym, there’s no fun in it. But if you get up in the morning and put your gym shoes on with no ‘must go to the gym’ thought, then you have no expectations and whatever you do will feel like progress.

It really is about the feeling more than the action. The action will follow from the right vibrational feeling if you remain in the now. The now is fun, the now is whatever you want it to be. You can go to the gym or not go to the gym, but either way you’ll feel like you’re free to do as you please.

Isn’t it a curious thing that we fight ourselves. It’s not someone else’s goal for you to go to the gym, it’s your own, so why when you get out of bed do you feel like it’s such a chore. You feel like the gym is a chore and eating right is a chore, and work is a chore, etc. And then what’s worse, if you don’t go to the gym you feel as if you didn’t accomplish something and so begins the spiral downward into self loathing and misery.

Fuck all that. Make your own micro habits, like putting on your gym shoes and let the rest be fun. Stressing about all the things you need to do isn’t helping anyone, especially not you. So fuck it.

Forever and always, if it ain’t fun, don’t do it.

E

Emotional Stability

When you move through your day to day, when you go to work, or talk to your roomate, or message the guy you’re crushin’ on it’s crucial that you pay attention to your emotional state. Get in there and feel for a minute. You wanna think about the things and people and anything else that makes you feel good. Avoid and boycott everything else as if it’s terminal and contagious. Seriously, do it just like that.

You wanna keep a natural happy place inside at all times, and from this you can make magic happen. Anything you want is yours. You can literally attract things as if you were a magnet, in real time. Like I’ve said before, it has to be genuine or it doesn’t work the same. You’ll attract things alright, no matter what you do you’ll attract things, it’ll just be the same old shit. And who wants that?

But if it starts from a feeling place, if it starts internally, inside your gut and up to your heart (in the physical) and you keep that neutral then you’re in the right place for all your dreams to come true.

It sounds like a fantasy, like it’s too easy and there’s no work involved, but trust me it’s easier said than done. To hold this vibrational state for an hour, let alone your whole day, or lifetime is a great achievement. That’s why there are people all over the world who practise deep meditation and shut themselves away from the social world for periods of time, some even do it their whole adult lives. That’s how important this state really is to mankind. It sounds ridiculous at times, and especially in some Social Circles, but believe me, it’s as real at the device you’re reading this on. The intangible, the non-physical, the unprovable, that is where we will find our evolution. It is in the mind that we will find limitless possibilities.

I personally, as usual, want it all. I wanna vibrate in a high mental state and live smack dab in the middle of the chaos… ish. I can’t stand the idea of leaving parts of this life behind to find enlightenment, or evolution, or God… however you wanna describe something other wordly, do so, this is not the time for a word war. Today we think about and discuss, if you like, emotional states and the Law of Attraction.

I don’t know why we love to distract ourselves so much, it feels so much better when we’re consciously aware and in control, or at least more receptive to our emotional state. There’s nothing quite like feeling that natural high, contentment, satisfaction. It’s pure pleasure and it comes from inside, there’s no drug or physical pleasure being introduced, it’s just a feeling and it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. We’re at our strongest and most capable in these moments. And how sad that they’re usually only fleeting moments in lifetimes. The truly powerful people on the planet have habitualized this feeling and explored some of the possibilities of this cool, calm and collected vibe but I believe there’s even greater potential in it than we could ever imagine.

It’s a weird thing to have a discussion about it with friends or family, even weirder with someone you barely know, although that can have it’s positives, the inhibition we naturally hold around strangers. We find ourselves stumbling over the thoughts that are so sporadic and scattered that they’re hard to articulate. BUT if we find ourselves in the presence of someone else who has tried and tested some of the theories of creating miracles and attracting everything they desire we can find some validation in our beliefs of the magic of the Universe and some of our own power naturally presents itself.

Haven’t you ever had one of those incredible days, where everything just goes your way? It’s like the day just keeps bringing you higher and higher. Sometimes, incredible things happen and it’s like the cherry on top because the day was already going so smoothly.

And then the opposite, as they say, when it rains it pours.

You created all of that. The key to the Universe and yourself is to figure out how you created that incredible day in the first place. Maybe when you woke up and turned on the radio there was a great song that put you in a particularly happy mood, and you moved through your day on that natural high. Maybe it was a great cup of coffee, and man that’s just what you needed cuz now you feel like a million bucks. You get in the shower and your shampoo just smells so damn good. When you get out and put your lotion on it’s just the most incredible moment where it feels so good rubbing it into your skin, and it smells so good… and your perfume next… mmm, your favourite. It’s like smelling it for the first time all over again. You inhale deeply and in this moment you’re so aware of the pleasure of the scent. Let these moments drift on and on until they naturally fade.

Do you see how you can compound the high from one little, seemingly insignificant thing and keep it going. Always look for the things you love, the little things, and how much you enjoy them. This feeling of luxury and self love is the most powerful thing in the world. It sets the tone and radiates the energy for the Universe to act. The Universe loves this feeling and when you’re in this natural state (and it IS your natural state) you are your most powerful. You can create any kind of magic you can imagine in a moments time. With the snap of your fingers your can change your life and someone else’s. You have no idea how much your mood and your smile and your energy can affect the people around you. One little compliment on those shoes you saw a girl wearing on the subway can make someone’s day. It’s not about the response you get, it’s simply spreading the love. And maybe she goes on in her day to do the same.

If we all vibrated in this state the possibilities of what we’re capable of are truly limitless. Be the one who creates the good vibes, not the one who brings everyone else’s energy down. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, be the foundation of goooood vibes. If it sucks, laugh it off.. if it hurts, cry and laugh like a madman. If you’re mad, be mad and yell, swear, freak out (preferably not at work or in public) and then let it go. Never confront for vengeance or validation unless absolutely necessary. It’ll only drain your energy. Adrenaline is not the same as good energy.

All you have to do is feel good, and be aware of yourself and others. It sounds simple, and it is, but it’s a practise that is most influential when you make it a habit.

Luxury is a lifestyle, so think in couture.

E

Living Spherically

You’ll hear me talk about it over and over, how important it is to move in many directions at once, but I don’t mean starting a bunch of things and never finishing them or spreading your attention to so many things that you never really give your full attention to anything. That’s quite the opposite actually.  What I mean when I say you have to live spherically is much simpler than that.

You start something, a project or a new adventure and at some point all those amazing creative juices stop flowing and you become anxious about the whole project. It happens like the flick of a switch, suddenly nothing makes sense and what once gave you great joy and energy is draining you and becoming a source of frustration. This is when it’s time to move your focus onto something else. Another project or a more solid part of your life, like your job or your social life. You don’t completely let go of the project you just put it aside until the feeling of working on it balances out and you find joy and creation in it again. This is the crucial step to living spherically. You have to know when to push through and keep going and when to just let it go for a minute. You can’t force things, especially creative things. They’re like matters of the heart, they will have their own way in the grand scheme of things, so you have to keep your focus on the big picture. Everything fits together in your life to make one perfect recipe that gets you what you desire and moves you forward constantly. Sometimes things need time to evolve naturally and sometimes things just need to be finished. You’ll know the difference if you’re being honest and genuine with yourself. The feeling of the right move is undeniable if you have the courage to make any move necessary.

You mustn’t fear change, it’s an evolution of thought that becomes a necessity to the growth of your dreams and a priority on your path to greatness and to achieving a life you deem worthy of living.

It all sounds so serious, but it’s really more fun than anything. Think about it, the more you move in your life, in any direction, the more progress you make. You’ll always be moving forward no matter how focused you remain on one project. Eventually everything will get done if you dedicate yourself to it, but it happens so organically that you’ll probably even surprise yourself at what you’re capable of and what you accomplish from constant movement. From experience I’ll tell you, it almost feels magical. Especially when you’re creating something, but even more so when the people and resources you need fall from the sky and land beautifully in your lap. You’ll get this sense of high, like there’s some great secret you’re tapping into. Keep the thoughts about it on the inside, you don’t want to start explaining all the coincidences away into seemingly singular things, and you definitely don’t need people’s opinions on these magical moments. You can share the feelings though, they’ll make the people around you as high as you are, and through that only good things will manifest. The people around you on the same level will remain there and get high with you, and everyone else will kind of fall away and do their own thing. Either way, you’re moving in the right direction, you can feel it.

You have to be willing to make the moves, sure, but you really just have to be willing to keep an open mind, all day, everyday. With this, you have the most powerful gift, you are free from your own toxic judgements and you will see the truth behind the veil, you’ll see how much the universe wants you to get what you desire when what you desire is genuine.

You’ll get everything you want, but you’ll also create paths for other’s to do the same. This is like having your cake and eating it too. And you know how much we love cake around here!

The simplest way to start living spherically right now is to break up your life into categories and see where your priorities lie. Check out this post and see what I mean by having separate parts of your life that all have different needs to fulfill.

Professional Life: where you create and build.
Personal Life: where you fulfill your desires.
Social Life: where you have fun and build your team.
Love Life: where you connect deeply with others.
Sex Life: where you fuck and become primal.

Where do you get the most excited thoughts in this list? I mean, we’re all excited by sex, but how about success, power, influence. Does that excite you also? It won’t be the same for everyone, that would be fuckin’ lame, but we can all agree that we have one life and one mission, to achieve _____, fill in the blank.

For more, I’ll be back tomorrow, writing some thoughts and ideas and always opening up a discussion, if you have something worth saying feel free to comment.

I will soon be opening up a more personal communication line via email, if you feel sincere in your thoughts but not interested in public opinion, I’ll be here.

E

Rules of Running A Roster: The Conclusion.

Part One: My thoughts about sex have never been ‘normal’ but they have always been honest.

I remember when I was in high school, how ready I was to have sex, how badly I wanted to taste all the pleasures I had seen. I wanted to experience for myself what it was like to be so consumed by a man that I couldn’t help but scream out in total pleasure.

I knew what an orgasm felt like, but I wanted… I needed to know what it was like to have one caused by another. I needed to know what it was like to cause such a peak of pleasure in another.

I had no intention of being with one man my entire life, I wanted to taste them all. I wanted to experience all different kinds of love making, and casual sex, and primal fucking… and experience things I couldn’t even fathom in my youth. I wanted to taste seduction.

I didn’t feel guilty about that until I started having sex and getting involved with guys, and like I’ve hinted at in the past, I learned a lot of lessons the hard way. Hurting people and making huge mistakes that I would’ve regretted if I believed in regret.

But why regret something in life? I’ve never killed anyone, and you can’t live a full life without ever hurting a single soul, even by accident, so I learned. I learned and I put rules in place for myself so I could get what I wanted and not cause any damage. I wanted to take, I wanted to take so much… but I was fully willing to give as much as I demanded. So I strived to find my balance.

I was a loner most of my life, a very social loner. I lived in my head most of my late teens, never needing anyone to agree or even understand me in order to move forward with my desires. I was always at parties and social gatherings, but I made sure to spend an equal amount of time alone with my thoughts and my own energy.

I realize not everyone has that in them, but my spirit has always been fiercely independent. My mother taught me that, and I suppose I was never really alone because she was always there when I needed her.

Again, I realize, not everyone has that. Which is why I decided to start this blog. I want everyone to have someone. So I’m here, with you, for you. Anything you ever need to be understood in, I will be here for you.

Especially as a woman, I think it’s crucial to our evolution that we stand together in our desires and substantial needs. The media and celebrity culture we’ve created today are completely changing the way women are viewed sexually. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad. I think it’s great that women have the choice now on how far they take their sexual exploits, but we have to keep clear in our minds what we want in order to remain in control of our lives.

You can’t give into someone else’s opinion of you and your actions and then complain because you’re not being treated with the respect you need. Take the reins and mould your own perception and persona.

You are responsible for you own emotional stability, so you have to be clear with what you desire. You can do anything you like in this world and still respect yourself as long as you know in your heart, and keep clear in your mind what it is you’re doing, you will never lose the value you hold for yourself. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you, and what you do with your life isn’t up to them.

I understand though, what it’s like to be shunned, to be labeled as something you don’t see in yourself, especially when you’re sleeping with a variety of guys. It’s not always easy, but nothing worth doing is.

My advice to you on this front is simple, keep your private life, private. Your personal life is separate from your private life. You can share your personal life with anyone you choose, but choose wisely when you speak about your private life. Especially your current private life. You may think you have a tight inner circle, and time will tell, but regardless, always protect yourself when opening up about these thoughts, desires, and actions.

There’s only a subtle difference between what’s personal and what’s private, and I can break it down for you easily enough. Personal is what makes you unique, your taste in men for example. Private is what can cause you damage or stress if it gets out, like who you’re currently fucking.

Even if you completely trust the people around you, be aware when you’re speaking on things that can damage relationships. First, ask yourself if you really need to talk about it, why you’re talking about it. To share a story? Ok fair enough, just don’t ever let it be because you need the justification of it. You’re giving away too much power if that’s the case and the fact that you need justification should be a red flag, for real, for real… Keep it to yourself. Go internal if you have to. Break it down in your mind.

Do like I do, start a journal. Talk to yourself, talk to the universe, but don’t ever… EVER speak your secrets to another. If there’s private things you discuss between you and someone you fuck, don’t talk that to anyone. Even if you know the stories will never get told. It’s not right to share those intimate secrets, even with your closest friend.

That’s the intimacy between you and someone you’ve laid with, and if you want to keep that strong, then keep that secret, keep it private. Put it in the vault, and never let it out. Even if your lover fucks up and speaks your secrets to another, keep strong to your values and keep your shit to yourself. That’s how you attract your like. Live on another level and watch people rise to meet you there, watch your equals come into your world and surround you. Be the change you want to see in the world. I love you all and I hope you enjoy my musings as much as I enjoy sharing them with you. It’s going to be a big couple months to come, I have so much in store for you!

With that being said, I’ve got some majour outsourcing to do to bring you guys Pt.2 of the Conclusion for Rules of Running A Roster, and I want to hear from you!!! I want to know exactly and fully what you think about the rules, and how the ideas I put forth make you feel about your own sexuality. Damn, I even wanna hear from you if you think I’m crazy, or if you’re crazy. I like a good nut job as much as anyone, so don’t be shy… tell me what’s on your mind!! Here’s some questions if you’re at a loss for where to start.

Do the rules make sense to you?

Do you think a woman can successfully run a roster?

Have you ever tried to set some rules or moral guidelines for yourself to be more successful in your sex life?

If you fuck consistently, different men, what’s your number one concern about keeping the peace?

Do you love to fuck as much as I do?

Lastly, I wanna know… do you believe in undying love?

Your loyal friend,

E

Weekend Vibes: Test The Theory

There’s nothing more attractive and sexy than a woman who isn’t afraid to be unapologetically herself. And I’m not talking about swearing like a trucker and having no filter no matter who you’re speaking to. I do believe there’s a time and a place for everything, but I’m talking here about baring your soul to the people around you for the sake of being uniquely yourself and inspiring others to feel comfortable enough to do the same. You can pave the way if you’re unapologetic about who you are and you don’t let the people around you cast their gloomy shadow’s demeanour on your vibrant soul’s.

I have always had a gift for picking up on people’s internal dialogue, on their body language, on how they move and why they do what they do. Perception was something I became aware of at a very young age. I noticed how people perceived me, my movements and how it affected them, both internally and externally and how they perceived others. I learned to listen to and understand my own internal thoughts and feelings, which only furthered my understanding of people’s internal dialogue, and from this I understood deeply human desire, rebellion, and how much misery loves company.

As an effective byproduct, today I am very good at manipulating people’s perception of me which I use more often than not to lift the energy of a group and it is a quite profitable trait in many industries. It’s all a game of illusions, anyone who wears make-up and knows how to dress their specific body type knows this game better than they might initially realize. It’s one and the same when it comes to how people view you and their deep internal thoughts and feelings about you. That’s why I talk so much about being aware of how you carry yourself. People interpret your body language subconsciously without any effort, it’s a mixing of energies on a foundational level, everybody does it and it’s mostly unavoidable, unless you’re trained not to trust a person’s exterior or to appear ‘invisible’ in a public space. (Don’t worry! That will come later.)

You don’t have to pay any attention to the stigmas attached to manipulation. There are a lot of shitty people out there who aren’t trying to make the world a better place, so anyone’s else’s definition of manipulation is irrelevant in this conversation. You simply need to understand that you can use any of the gifts or skills that you have for the betterment of humanity if you so choose it, manipulation being one of them. We’re not the ones who are going to be part of a stereotypical group so brush off any prior understandings of taboo things like manipulation, dominance, or ego. I can teach you to observe people’s perceptions and biases and therefore be able to manipulate the way you’re perceived so you can get what you desire. Simple as that. Let me simplify for a second so you really know what I’m saying to you, what I’m offering to you. (For free. Many will charge a whack of cash to teach you how to speak in public, or dominate a room in a board meeting, ‘How To: Kill an interview and get the job you always wanted!’ but to me these are key skills to any success in life and I’d like to give them to you free of charge because I actually wanna see you succeed. I love you simply because we’re the same species, simple as that. I don’t need people to pay me for this service, I just hope it helps you get what you want and need. <3)

Think about when you go to a job interview, and you really want the job so you’re ridiculously nervous. You may be presenting a lack of confidence or even a lack people skills from your interviewer’s point of view and not because these things are necessarily true, you could have excellent people skills but right there in that moment you’re being perceived otherwise and it could cost you that job. Maybe you don’t just want this job, maybe you need it, so the pressure’s on. You’re sweating, internally you’re a fuckin’ mess, and afterwards you drive home knowing you didn’t do your best and if only you weren’t so damn anxious and wracked with nerves the job would’ve been yours. You know you could do it in your sleep!

It’s happened to the best of us, believe me but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn to be perceived however you like. The most seemingly hopeless cases can learn to come across as cool, calm and collected a 007 himself. In moments like these it’s easier to accomplish than you might think, regardless of your lack of social skills or experience, or who else has applied for the job or how much of a nervous wreck you are internally, or a million other possibilities.

If you know how to read someone’s over all demeanour then you’re way ahead of the game with an Ace up your sleeve and three more in your back pocket and the job is basically already yours. This can be applied to anything in your life, any dream, any fantasy. Only one disclaimer here: It has to be genuine, it has to be what you truly want, otherwise you’ll just continue around in circles, lying to yourself and attracting the hard learned lessons over and over again as the Universe enjoys the lashing like a possessive dominant with no intention of going easy on you. And like any Great Dom, it knows what you can and cannot handle, so NO FEAR! But if you’re like me at this point, you’re sick of learning the hard way and wanna skip the drama and move right along to the lesson.

If you heed the lessons, and make good sense of the deeper meaning here any job is yours, anything you can imagine, is yours. Isn’t that an incredible thought? You’ll know exactly what the person with the ability to hire you is looking for and if it suits you, you can give it to them with no hesitations or awkward/self conscious thoughts and feelings. Jobs are crucial stepping stones to building the empires we were born to create. Remember that when you are willingly to become the submissive to ones higher in command than you and let it make you hungry, in silence. Sometimes, it’s the easiest path to what you desire.

If you are going to spend even a moment of your waking life a slave, take pride in it and be the best damn slave they ever saw in whatever your chosen field is. Make sure when you move to be their equals they remember how proud you were of your position, and politely and professionally let them know, that time has now passed. They can accept it, or drown in their own limitations. The choice is theirs, let them make it.

You will know that if you want something, you can achieve it and so your air of confidence will work wonders on people’s perception of you. Most jobs aren’t about how much experience you have, or if the guy going for the job ahead of you has a degree and you don’t even have a diploma. Most companies are looking for one simple thing, someone to do the job, to accomplish the tasks, and to make the workload easier for everyone else. Especially the people above them. Become the problem solver at any company and the top is only the starting place for you and your achievements.

See, common sense isn’t that common because people always do the ‘what if’ thing and that only adds to the downward spiral of self doubt and fear of ‘failure’. Granted, realizing all the pros and cons when making any moves in business are crucial to the over all success of the company, but you cannot let the fear of conventional thoughts and ideas hold you back when making moves. It doesn’t always matter what someone else has done or is doing in the same field. You become vastly significant and valuable when you change the game in almost any industry. And if you live like that, if you live with no confinements, you’ll always be one step ahead. You’ll leave your ‘competition’ in the dust, laughing at your own craziness and lack of certainty. When you take risks it’s not about making big, stupid decisions. It’s about doing something no one has done before, or no one thought was possible and making it work for you for the success of the industry as a whole. You have to think it through.

If you’re unique in who you are and what you think, if you give into that, you’ll achieve things that no one else can. Is it really so hard to believe that you’re capable of things that no one else on the planet is?

Be unapologetically yourself wherever you go and whatever you do to find out for sure. You can test your own theories here, you’re not a child anymore. No need to take my word for it, give it a go and see how high you can soar in your own uncertainties. The sky isn’t the limit anymore, the universe is… and a far as we know, it could be limitless.

In our lifetime, I wanna test that theory.

E

Rules of Running A Roster: Rule #7…

Check your emotions  …at the door.

You hear me? …at the door. No, I’m being serious. This is not a game of emotions. If it were then it wouldn’t be a fuckin Roster. It’d be someone you want to be exclusive with, or were at least considering it. Which means you should re-evaluate your objectives, your priorities, and your desires to find better clarity. And this goes back to Rule #1: Honesty. You have to be honest with yourself first, and if you’re catching feelings for someone you should think seriously about how much you care for them, and if you come to the conclusion that it’s more than just sex and friendship, if you really want them for your own, if you want to grow and build with them, then make the moves to see if it’s something they want as well. And still, you have to check your emotions at the door. Here’s the simple reason why:

You got into this with an understanding at the very least, and an agreement at the most of simple, no strings attached sex. So if you want to change that understanding because it’s evolved for you, you have to be honest and upfront about that. This isn’t one of those, ‘oh we don’t have to talk about it’ things, that’s child’s play. How many times do I have to tell you to Step Your Game Up?! You can’t just start acting differently and hope everything works out, then you’re emotionally vulnerable to them reacting apart from how you expect them to react. Cut the shit and check your emotions at the door. Have enough respect for them to sit down and talk to them as a fellow adult about what you want.

If you don’t want it to get awkward as you try and maneuver your way into a guy’s life, try just telling him straight up that you want more, or whatever you want. Just ask for it! Best case scenario, he says yes and you find out if it’s what you really want. Worst case scenario, he says no and then really all you have to do is make the decision if you want him like you have him, or if you can’t be with him at all anymore because it causes you emotional hardship. Again, do you see how you maintain control of your emotions at all times and the most crucial thing is to keep the power in fulfilling your own happiness?

This isn’t rocket science guys, and it isn’t the kind of game where you can give up the control of your emotions to someone. Like I hinted before, if it is that kind of game then you’re playing with your potential King, tread carefully… and we’ll be getting to that soon enough in the Conclusion of The Rules Pt.1 & Pt.2, where I’m gunna break down the concepts of running a roster on a psychological level, the why’s behind it and how to lay the rules out so they fit to your particular set of desires. I’ll be outsourcing and talking to some of my friends and acquaintances that I know play this game magnificently. I’ll be laying it bare for you guys to see what kind of light they can shed on the Rules. This can’t just be from my point of view or it won’t be achieving it’s maximum potential, so I’m bringing in some sly experts at running rosters. From fellow bartenders to 9-5ers who never followed the American Dream and remain free from dictatorship and live on their own terms. It’s gunna be a deliciously juicy couple of weeks in The Art Of Seduction guys, jus sayin. (Ya might wanna hit that follow button. I’ll wait here.)

Enough self promotion for now, let’s get back to it. I hate to make it seem so manipulative, but only because the word and the ideas behind this tactic hold such stigma, otherwise I’m all for it, but I suppose experience and history must do their part in ‘educating’ us. (PS. manipulation at it’s finest). In my mind it all comes down to integrity, where does the heart lie or the motive start, but this is how it is for life in general, not just your sex life… so I’ll leave that alone for now. Moving on. I’m super emotional today… can you guys tell? I feel feisty as fuck!

Rule #7: Check Your Emotions …at the door. It’s one of the hardest to maintain control of, forsure, the heart wants what it wants. And I won’t ever suggest that you ignore your emotions but rather understand that you have to be the one to protect your emotional needs, to care for them, and nurture them, because make no mistake… if you’re running a roster, you’re alone. And you’re not just single, you’re alone by choice. It’s almost like you’re making a statement when you fuck more than one guy at a time. You’re saying, “I choose to be alone.”

For me, at least it’s not the fear of commitment that keeps me running game, it’s got nothing to do with fear at all actually. It’s about pleasure if anything, but it hasn’t always been that way. Certainly had to do with fear of commitment and getting hurt in my younger years, but as soon as I became aware of my desires, as a whole, I understood my mind and my heart and my soul. I knew, I was always looking for Him… I just believe in that undying, unfaltering, unwavering, forever kinda love. And until I find it, I won’t commit. I don’t wanna lie to someone and tell them I love them and they’re my mate for life when I know it’s not true. So for me, there’s no point in being in a committed relationship if there’s no longevity involved. I’d rather be free and get those same comforts with whom ever I choose. But that’s just me, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be that way for you. The weirdest part for me, I still love occasionally, and even sometimes on a grand scale, but still there’s something missing… And I know, it’s better sometimes to love outside the box.

That’s me checking my emotions. When I love one of my boys, and I do love them sometimes… it’s because I respect them, and they’ve shown me loyalty, and I adore the way they treat me, and.. the list goes on. This differs for a lot of people, we all have our own version of love and affection and we definitely all have our own needs and desires. We connect when we find people that have similar desires and needs. That’s how we form bonds.

I’ve had some really incredible connections and I know I’ll have more. The only thing I can say about this rule, from my own experience is, be real about who you are, how you feel, and how you connect and/or love. It’s a feeling, and a very good one, if you are only willing to let it be. Sometimes it’s fleeting, and sometimes it lasts decades. But one thing is certain, if you never try to connect or you lie to yourself about how you feel, or you manipulate to get what you want without caring about the people you hurt, you will miss out on some pretty amazing moments in life, love, and sex.

These are my personal notes and experiences analyzed and researched and played with for over a decade. I really hope they’re valuable resources to help you get what you want, and everything you need to satisfy your sexual desires, and even bring your fantasies to life. No fear Ladies (& Gents, I suppose. Never really thought too much about male readers, but thank you for following along!) Remember: Be Unapologetic About Your Desires. (Rules for Dominating Life: Rule #1).

Comment below guys if you have any questions or thoughts about The Rules. I love to hear from you guys and hear all your stories and I’m happy to answer any questions about the ideas expressed here!

Until next time,
Go fuck yourself San Diego. <–means, a whale’s vagina (Incase you didn’t know, don’t worry, I got chu.)

E

Bare Your Soul

The darkness in your will never go away, your desires will never give up their torment on your mind… the struggle and fear you hold from not believing you can achieve your greatest dreams and deepest desires is never going to stop.

You might as well just give in to them. Is it really such a terrifying thought? The path being laid out before you? It is ever molding and ever transforming to be the perfect path from here to your dreams, must you always be fighting against this? Do you enjoy feeling lack and constant defeat?

So, get it through your head then… everything you want is possible. The beauty is, you have to believe that without being able to see or know how it is possible. You must find comfort in the uncertainties of life. Until you do this, you will be without, you will struggle and you will live in constant misery and fear. Talk about needing faith!

If, however, you find your faith in magic and you do truly start to believe miracles are possible for you to create and experience you’ll find yourself surprised by how grateful you can feel for these ‘coincidences’ that continue to occur to you. You will begin to soar higher and higher. The possibilities are endless, and even the sky will expand to fit your limits.

And they have always been and will always be only and simply that… your limits.

Bare your soul to the universe and it will respond with magic like you’ve never seen before, this I promise you.

This is gunna be a big week with lots of juicy content and new topics of conversation. Dig in deep friends and don’t be shy to comment and start a conversation with me about anything I’ve written or anything you’re struggling with. I will probably understand you better than you can imagine. For such a young woman, I have quite a lot of experience in life. What have you got to lose?

Hope to hear from you all in time, but you’re welcome to quietly follow along until you’re comfortable to open up on this platform. I will be here, patiently waiting and always speaking to you through our chosen link.

 

E

Weekend Vibes: I Find Comfort In Uncertainty

My secret today isn’t laced up with all things sexy, unless of course you have enough of a mind to find intelligence and logic sexy… like me. No arrogance here, just a bit of fun. Besides, I gave you a gorgeous behind to scroll up and visualize if you’re craving sexuality. To me, the sexiest thing I could ever achieve is glamorous success. To have my cake and eat it too, in the most unconventional way possible, for that is me, and that is what I desire.

I have done everything I preach on here to do. I have laid out and clarified all my desires, I believe in what I want and why I want it, and I’m making strategic and confident moves towards my goals everyday. You have to be grateful for where you are at this very moment, or slowly (and sometimes very quickly) you have to watch everything you ever took for granted slip through your fingers… lost to the past.

I’ve always believed I could imagine my future into existence, or simply put, that I could have anything I desired. I always believed that since I was a little girl. I understood that the big picture will always be the only thing that mattered, but it’s hard sometimes to be alone in a thought with as many options and possibilities as that, endless really, limitless.

So how did I know I could have anything I ever wanted, what lead me to believe it? I was so young when I thought it, knew it for the first time. I maybe be a Pisces and a dreamer by nature, but it’s not my frivolous, and unmatched ability to wonder and imagine that got me into believing anything was possible. Believe it or not, it was the logical and realistic part of my brain that brought me to the inevitable conclusion that no one can prove otherwise, so why the hell not believe in the impossible?!

It sure makes life a lot more exciting! And if no one can prove that it’s impossible, then there’s no need to think otherwise, realistically. If it makes you happy to believe something is possible and potentially makes the world a better place to prove it, then I say go for it!

If there really is a reason for each and every one of us, a true purpose for the greater good then I say that’s probably the closest you’ll ever be to yours, in that very moment when you decide to believe in something everyone else thinks is impossible may be possible only for you even… then you’re really onto something.

Your belief in yourself, in your ideas, will gain momentum and you’ll destroy all barriers you previously held as limits. Gone. Forever. You’ll feel power and freedom like you’ve never even imagined and you’ll start to vibrate differently in this world. You’ll attract things and people differently. Your life will change so quickly you’ll hardly notice how far you’ve come, which is why I think it’s crucial that you vibrate through appreciation and gratitude as often as you can manage it. It will help you keep balanced when the height your new found wings takes you soaring so high you fear the inevitable balance of a low. They say what goes up must come down right? So balance yourself out before the downward plunge, humble yourself or have karma do it for you. As always, it’s your choice.

Life is all about balance, we all know this, but how often do we implement it into our daily lives? Do you think about your own balance and the balance of the world, the balance of the universe with every move you make, no matter how mundane? You should, if you don’t. Keep that big picture in mind, keep your awareness sharp and focused and with that in place you’re free to have some real fun. You can create miracles, mediocre and epic alike. You’re free to play with magic. Real magic. Can you imagine that?

These ideas, these theories aren’t going to be anything new for a lot of people but if they’re new to you, my only advice right this minute is try to keep an open mind. No, actually my advice is think about it. Really think about what I’m saying to you… Is it the most illogical thing you’ve ever heard? Isn’t it mildly intriguing?

It isn’t really a secret anymore, The Law Of Attraction, stating simply that you create your world as you go along by attracting things to you as a magnet does. It’s actually quite a simple concept but for some reason, even the best of us have been moulded and tainted enough to find is so difficult to believe that we can have anything we desire.

I’ll tell you now, nothing is too grand, nothing is out of reach for you. I don’t care who you are or where you come from, you can have anything you desire. Once you start to feel this on a deep and foundational level within yourself, you’ll know there’s no need to be anxious or worried, you will find comfort in the uncertainties of this game we call life. It’s a journey and one hell of a ride… if you make it. It’s your choice. One day, when this is all at it’s end, you’ll know that.

Don’t wait until that moment to learn it. Trust your heart, trust your logic. Believe in yourself, and make magic happen. You got this. I’m with you. We’re looking for all the hedonists out there… the people who have lifted the veil, or at least peeked…  the ones who want to make a real difference and want it to be an extraordinary and luxurious journey… this life.

E