Let’s talk about sex, baby.

Since it’s Wednesday, and humpday, I’m going to designate Wednesday’s as the day we talk specifically about sex. It seems appropriate in terms of placement.

I think growing up we all had an idea of how we wanted or expected our sex lives to be. And as we got older we either dabbled in our fantasies, bringing them to life or we learned (incorrectly) that sex in our fantasies and sex in real life are very different things.

For those of us who dabbled and/or are dabbling now you may be finding a disconnect between your fantasies and your reality. Why is that?

First, it is simple. There’s no one around when you fantasize so it’s easy to be wild and free. Maybe you have a few toys, maybe you have a plethora of toys, maybe you watch some nasty porn, or maybe like me you have/do all of the above depending on your mood. But still, you’re finding a lack in your actual sex life.

If we remove the fact that your partner may not be living up to the standards of your fantasies and focus on you, the second conflict is a bit more complicated in nature. See, what most people don’t realize is that sex is more about how you feel and what you’re thinking than the physical act of penis in vagina. For a simple break down of good sex vs. great sex, read this previous post asking have you ever had great sex?

As a woman you can probably relate to a sexual experience where I’m sure he was doing a great job but you just couldn’t ‘get there.’ And if you’re very in tune with yourself then you know that has nothing to do with him and everything to do with your own psychology. To reach an orgasm with a partner, especially, if not singularly with women, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. That is the key to a great orgasm. And it’s not always easy for a number of reasons, all of which are completely unique and personal. Vulnerability and ‘letting go’ in that moment determine whether or not you’re going to allow your body to become all sensation and energy and fall off that cliff, spiralling downward into an earth shattering orgasm while another is present. Not an easy feet for some. And it certainly wasn’t for me. I was four years into my sexual career before I had an orgasm with another, FOUR! Let me give you the backstory, but first let that sink in.  ***F.O.U.R.***

I’ve been sexually curious and expressive for as long as I can remember. I touched myself and learned to reach orgasm at a very young age, probably by the age of 8 or 9. I could achieve an orgasm, not really knowing what I was doing, just knowing that if I did ‘this and this’ it felt really good and eventually there was a peak where an overwhelmingly good feeling exploded through my body. By high school (age 13) I knew what I was doing and started experimenting with different ways to do it. Pfff, by the time I had sex when I was 16 I was a first class masterbater, sometimes cuming within seconds, and exploring my physical limits in terms of multiple orgasms. I bought my first toy, a rubber vibrator that was pink and ‘life-like.’ I decided I wanted my first sexual experience to be about sex and not about love, learning at a young age to separate the two feelings and needs. My goal was to have a sexual partner that I could have sex with for life, or at least until one of us married and had children, knowing that we wouldn’t share that experience.

Some people might be scoffing right now, and that’s okay. We all have different boundaries and are raised differently, but regardless of how you were raised, try to understand where I was coming from. I was young and free to make my own decisions, very conscious and aware, and above average intelligence. This was the decision I made for myself. And my mother supported me in it once I explained my feelings. She actually bought me that first toy. Ha! Again, let me reiterate that I am Canadian born and raised, and the freedom to choose is a natural thing in my life, even though I was raised around many different cultures with many different beliefs I always valued my freedom to choose above all else, especially as a conscious and very sexual woman. Let’s continue.

I reached my goal of finding a sexual partner I could have casual sex with and leave the relationship to another. We learned each other quickly and I must say I was very satisfied. That being said, let’s go back to the fact that I didn’t reach orgasm with another for FOUR long years. I found it difficult to let myself be exposed in that moment. And you might say, what’s more exposed than being naked in front of someone and letting them enter you and touch your naked body, but you know what, it was more difficult for me to be present in that moment than it was to let someone touch me.

This is a subject I would like to delve into in MUCH more detail, so if you like this post, take the time to give it a quick ‘Like’ and if you want to learn more about how to let yourself be vulnerable and achieve mind blowing orgasms with someone, Follow.

Til tomorrow darlings.

Your desires are who you truly are

We spend so much time in life trying to get what we want and maybe even trying to please others, but how much time do we really spend on ourselves? How much time do you take out of your week to pamper yourself and treat your body with the love and respect that you hope someone else spends on you one day?

The most important thing you can do to get closer to your desires in life is take the time out to truly care for your body, inside and out. The little things make all the difference in the world in the long run because when you are aware of those extra little moments you’re sending out energy into the universe about how you love to feel, and how you want to be treated. By Law of Attraction you must create the equal of your desires and detach yourself from the way it comes back to you. In doing so, you appreciate what you have in the moment and are satisfied with your luxuries, no matter how small or big. It all comes down to the way you feel from moment to moment. I cannot stress this enough.

If you want a life of luxury, comfort and ease, then you must create this for yourself by simply being in the moment, every moment and feeling alive. If you feel a lack of something, anything, that’s okay too. You just have to understand that when you feel lack you’re becoming aware of what you want to move toward in your life. Let the feeling of lack go and focus on what it would feel like to truly have that desire in the physical world. Remove yourself from the present and let the fantasy come to full fruition in your mind. Then let it go and come back to the present knowing that if you truly want it, it will be yours.

Timing in life is everything and if you’re like me, you want what you want NOW! But we’re not children anymore and we need to take responsibility for the present, therein lies the need for patience. It will not take much time or a lot of time, it will take the perfect amount of time, for it’s not about the destination you have set for yourself, it’s about the journey. You may even realize that the thing you want or the life you want to live has the most beautiful journey that it dwarfs the actual result you were looking for.

Your heart is your most trustworthy ally. It knows you better than you know yourself for the most part, and definitely for the majourity of people. We can feel our hearts desires because they are our own desires. They are our truest and most pure desires. Our mind can become chaotic and frustrated, but our hearts are incapable of negativity when it comes to living our lives. When your heart feels pain, it is a beautiful thing because it represents the loss of something that meant the world to us, like losing a loved one. This is extraordinary because you felt love for that person, and that is the greatest luxury in the world. There is no such thing as immortality so loss is inevitable, and to understand that to have loved in the first place is so pure and truly invaluable, you can no longer sit in loss. You must move to happiness and gratitude for the experience of love at all.

There are many luxuries in this world, both natural, like love and man-made, like Louboutin’s, and to say we only want one or the other is a bold faced lie, and you know it. We all want it all. Even if your tastes are simple now, it’s because you don’t feel that you can truly achieve all that your heart desires.

Let me say this, because I have felt what you feel, it is not only possible to achieve and acquire all that you can desire but it is the only thing that’s possible. If you want to end this life knowing that you lived it to the fullest then tap into who you truly are and what you want in the deepest part of your soul. The second that you do this, you become free. And you move towards greatness. For we all want greatness, even if greatness to you is a safe place to lay your head and raise your children. This is great when compared to the majourity of people that live and die on this planet.

We’re gunna get down and dirty with what it is to feel powerful and move towards the lives we’ve always wanted to live. Prepare yourself for facing your true self because I’m gunna dig deep with you. I will not give up on you, and I will not allow you to give up on yourself. Together we can change the world for the better, simply by being together and spreading our experiences and knowledge to those who may not have any. You have one life, ONE. Live the life you cannot live without.

Your Friend,
-E

Have you ever had great sex?

Have you ever had great sex? I mean really, be honest with yourself about it.

I can be honest in saying I have had a lot of good sex, and a couple times I’ve had great sex, but I still know there’s better out there. And let me be understood, I’m not putting all the blame on the men I’ve been with, not at all. Let’s not talk blame at all today, but instead let’s talk about what great sex really is.

When I break it down, to me there’s two different kinds of good sex and when put together they equal great sex.

There’s technically good sex, where both parties are well versed in getting each other off or reaching orgasm. They understand how to move and get into a rhythm and what feels good and how to read the other person to see what is working and what isn’t. When it comes to the technicalities of sex, both are quite good at it, and as a female the man can probably get you to cum. Then, there’s the kind of sex that is more mentally stimulating. He might not be the best looking guy you’ve ever seen, but man is he sexy! You might not even fully understand it but before he even touches you, you’re ready to combust. When he’s in proximity of you, between your legs is throbbing and the ache is deep, deep down in your belly making you dizzy and wet. Mentally, you are aware and involved, slipping in and out of a fantasy filled haze.

Being turned on by someone is a feeling like no other, when your entire body stands at attention and at the slightest touch and the smallest reaction and movement he makes you feel it in every cell of your body. Mentally you are connected, and physically you are reacting to him completely, sometimes even against your will. You might be at work and he sends you a text or email and involuntarily your mind speeds up and reacts to thoughts of him touching your body. You clench your thighs together to stop the pulsing and are losing the battle within seconds. You have no choice but to squash it and return to work as quickly as possible or you’ll be lost to the fantasy and won’t get any work done! Now THAT is a mental connection with physical repercussions. And ohhh, what a pleasure it is because it isn’t just about what he’s capable of doing to you physically, it’s so much more carnal than that. It’s sex appeal, and sexiness where another is involved and it satisfies the most animalistic part of your being. Both men and women can find pleasure is dominating and submitting to their partner and feeling the way your own actions affect the energy and sexuality of another. When sexiness is wielded properly it is a very powerful energy.

Most people prefer to be either dominant or submissive. I personally like a mix of both, although finding a man who can dominate my strong energy is verrry attractive and I lean towards this pleasure most often, seemingly because I find it so rarely is authentic.

To have great sex, I think that both technical and mental experience are crucial. Now, you don’t have to go out and spend the next 10 years of your life having random casual sex with multiple partners to gain this kind of experience. It is more common sense than anything and if you have a deep and clear understanding of these skills when you find someone you can be genuine and open with you can put them all to the test and take your little experience and vast knowledge to the top of the sexual realm from the start.

There’s nothing wrong with any kind of sex you so choose to partake in, as long as it’s healthy, safe, and fun! I believe that wholly, BUT you have to be real with yourself about how satisfied you really are with your sex life in order to stay within those boundaries and experience regular great sex with someone. I am the Queen of Denial so there have been times in my life when I have decided that I need sex, so I have easily justified sleeping with a guy only to wake the next day and feel as unsatisfied as before, or even more so.

I think having regular sex is a learning curve and we all have our own boundaries and time frames, but if you want to know what great sex is, then you have to look beyond the surface to the core of who you are. You have to be real with yourself about what you’re interested in and if you have enough experience, what you like. A healthy, well expressed sex life is like exercising regularly, it releases endorphins into your body and keeps you young and energized. Don’t be afraid to admit to yourself that your sex life is lame and your fantasies are keeping you going. Become aware of what truly keeps you satisfied so that you can move toward it with your body and soul. Your true match, your perfect partner, the other half of your heart and soul is out there somewhere, you just have to be able to recognize him when he comes along. So remember to keep it real with yourself or you might just pass up everything you ever desired.

In learning to connect with your sexual energy and become a sexy beast of a woman you will move closer to who you truly are and the type of man that will truly satisfy you. If you feel lost and disconnected from your sexuality, fret not, I am here to help! Follow my blog and together we will change the way women feel sexy and dominate the information being put forth to young girls about their sexual desires in a way that chooses freedom and knowledge. Together we will become sexy as fuck.

We will not be silenced (unless there’s a safe word involved)

I can hardly find the words to express to you how important it is to have your own space to be comfortable in and be yourself. Even if you have a roommate or a family, you must designate time to be alone and in your own space so you can dig deep within. Then all the internal dialogue and turmoil that naturally builds up in life will quieten and you can truly begin to express yourself, for yourself.

Sexiness is one of the most joyful feelings because it’s all about the confidence that comes from loving yourself, truly loving yourself for who you are. The ego is part of our make-up, it’s part of our desires and who we are. If you ignore it, the energy will come out in ways you might not be entirely happy about. If you listen to your ego, if you feel the self and energy within you then you can diffuse this energy in a very positive and very uplifting way in your life. To attempt to silence the ego is to deny a part of yourself that lives regardless of what you decide to think. When it decides to lash out because you can only bottle natural energy for so long you can call it subconscious all you like, but I promise you there’s a choice there. And for those of us in the world who have become aware of it and use the energy to our benefit, it’s only too obvious to us where you stand with your ego. Denial.

I love my ego because I believe it’s the part of us as human beings that makes us unique. Nobody else on the planet has the same desires and feelings that I do in the same patterns that they express themselves in my life. We all have common emotions, but the timing of the need to express them is entirely unique to each of us.

When I’m in my personal space, I strip down to my panties and tie up my tank top so I can see myself in the mirror as I stretch and practise breathing deeply. You should love your body, even if it isn’t exactly how you want it to be. That is also a choice, and we’ll get there soon enough, together. But I believe the internal struggle, the honest mentality behind our actions is the place to start, at least in this day and age with the majourity of females.

See, by having a healthy sense of respect, it will show in the rest of your life by the way you allow people to treat you and give you attention and also by the way you treat people and give them your attention. The amount of ways this will change your life for the better is limitless. Energy attracts more energy of it’s like, so please understand, it is a simple truth that you are what you attract. Feel the responsibility, but don’t panic, you are not alone.

Especially as a woman this is very important. Not just for you, but for society, and young women in generations to come. We set the ground work for these young girls. They look to us to decide what they like and how they want their lives to look. The responsibility to grow and improve and make the world a more enjoyable place to live is all of ours, that is why I’m writing this blog. I want to do my part in sexual expression and overall happiness. It’s simple really, I love sex, as I’m sure 99% of people do, but I also think there is a serous misconception about what it is to be a sexy woman in today’s society. And I’m just talkin first world problems here… you can imagine the deep routed issues with women and sexuality in other societies where women have no rights to express themselves. Appreciate where you come from if you have these freedoms, and recognize that there are many, MANY who do not.

It is our responsibility to respect ourselves and express ourselves for who we are. We will not be silenced, we will not be told what we can and cannot wear, say, do, or be.

To feel sexy is to be sexy in our day to day lives. To look sexy is to express that feeling to the world. Let it come from within and make sure it’s for your own self confidence and happiness and not just for attention and recognition from others. It’ll never bring you the happiness that you desire otherwise.

Cockiness Vs. Confidence

I’ve talked a lot about what it is to be sexy when it comes to social scenarios, but today I wanna talk about what it is to feel sexy just for yourself. When you remove anyone and everyone else from the situation, sexiness is still a really important part of life. It comes from within you and it’s a basic need that I don’t think most women realize.

You can spend the time and effort on yourself and not be a high maintenance, superficial female. It’s all about the mentality behind it. Getting dressed up, and glammed up should be about feeling sexy because you are sexy. It doesn’t have to be about getting attention and coming across as a shallow woman who only cares about how she looks.

We all deserve to let our inner fem fatale come out to play. She is part of who we are and we can only ignore her for so long before she takes over and becomes aggressively dominant. The best way I found to keep the balance is to feel sexy when I’m alone, as often as I can. Granted there are days where I could give a fuuuck about sexiness and sex appeal, but when I’m being real with myself, they are few and far between and usually involve a hang over or a cold.

Everyday we wake up, shower, eat, do whatever we do in the ‘morning’ and get ready for the day. A fairly simple routine and an excellent chance to really explore your sexy factor. When you start the day off in a certain mood or vibe it carries throughout the day, so it’s important to be aware of how you feel and what’s on your mind. I know I’m a train wreck most mornings and I really have to mentally cleanse to get myself to a place where I’m ready for the outside world. It’s such a personal moment for me, that I rarely express to the world, especially strangers, but there’s no time like the present to switch it up and see what happens.

When I start getting ready for my day, the first thing I like to focus on is my natural beauty, before the make-up and hair and outfit happens. When I walk past a mirror I always greet myself with a ‘Hello gorgeous.’ And I love to listen to music in the mornings, a good song can change my entire energy, so I search for what feels good. As I move around my condo I start grooving and swaying to the rhythm and before I know it I’m dancin and singin, gettin down to some beats. I become very aware of my body and the things I love about it. By the time I’m in the shower I’m stretched out and feelin good. I moisturize when I’m done, and begin the transformation into a beast of a woman. I enjoy this process 90% of the time, although sometimes I have to admit it’s like pulling teeth and I’d rather just hang around in my sweats n gitch and pretend the outside world doesn’t exist. Ha! But that’s a story for another day.

When I’m getting ready I like to be inspired by make-up artists and beauty looks that I love, so I jump on Pintrest and check out my pins and some Youtube tutorials for inspiration.

When you take the time to get to know how put together you can look, it’s a form of self respect, not conceit.

Keep your eyes up, gorgeous.

I hope you all had a very satisfying weekend! I know I did! I rocked a dark plum lipstick at work on Saturday night and LOVED the way it made me feel super glam and put together. I used to hate wearing lipstick but nowadays I find any excuse I can to vamp up my look with a dark plum, matte lipstick from H&M. $7 and totalllly worth it. It wears all night and barely needs touching up. A new fav forsure!

Ok, so let’s dive into it. This week we’re going to focus on body language. I hope you’re working on your strut and have become more aware of the way you carry yourself. You’re a gorgeous beast of a woman, and the world should recognize your strength and confidence before you’ve even opened your mouth to speak. Don’t be afraid to intimidate people. As soon as you say hello they will begin to relax, knowing that you’re just another person walking around trying to live your life to the fullest. You don’t have to be ashamed of self improvement. Who wants to stay the same forever anyways?

Talking about intimidation and comfortability, today is all about eye contact. It seems like a simple enough concept, but a lot of people find it uncomfortable to hold someone’s gaze for an extended period of time. If you are aware of your own energy and internal feelings then you know how much goes on when you’re looking someone in the eyes. Especially the opposite sex. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, and if you’re aware enough of your energy you can truly feel another’s vibe if you look them in the eye.

The biggest challenge for me when making eye contact is staying present and in the moment. I’m an introvert by nature so it’s easy for me to get lost in my own head. My thoughts rapid fire and before I know it I realize I have no idea what the other person is talking about, I wasn’t listening.

Do your absolute best to pay attention when talking to people. Look them in the eye and stay present. Give them your full, undivided attention and allow your emotions to play across your face, no matter how awkward you feel about it. We’re all human and we all feel EVERY emotion. You’re not some special butterfly that feels shame and embarrassment, we all do, so let it show when you feel something. It’ll allow people to feel like they see the real you, and that’s always an attractive characteristic in your personal life. In business, I will suggest another approach, but that comes later. First we go personal, then I will teach you to control it and dominate a room, getting the exact reaction you are looking for from a group.

When you look someone in the eyes and speak to them, it’s not all about shoulders back, stand straight, be serious. Not even close. It’s about comfort and ease. Be easy to talk to by simply being comfortable within yourself and confidently making eye contact. Your vibe will pass through your eyes and make the other person feel comfortable as well. First dates and hanging with a small group of friends are great ways to practise these skills. Especially first dates because they can sooo easily be awkward. I don’t know about you guys but I get SUPER nervous when I really like someone, or am genuinely interested in seeing someone. It’s like this, I decide to like someone and become this nervous wreck, trying to control the way I’m coming across, but really I’m over thinking everything and seem distant and uncomfortable! BUT, with that being said, it’s even more interesting that with these skills I might internally be a mess, but on the outside, 99% of the time, I’m James Bond… cool, calm and collected. It’s a taught skill. I’ve learned to keep my energy neutral and my body language comfortable and easy. Eye contact allows me to sway the energy of the person sitting across from me. When I’m in the moment, I can make a man lose his train of thought half way through a discussion with little smile and a sexy feeling that comes out of my eyes and like an instant message, says everything in plain text. It’s a bit hard to explain physically what happens because it’s more of a feeling than anything, but it’s almost like my eyes get a bit hooded and a smile stays 90% behind the surface.

If you haven’t quite felt that sexy before, don’t worry, we’ll get you there! I promise. You have to feel it within yourself before you can start experimenting with how your sexy vibes affect the people around you. Be aware of your emotions and your feelings. When it feels good, go with it. When it feels uncomfortable or awkward become aware of everything around you. Use your eyes and search until you find something that makes your anxiety or nervousness subside. You don’t have to be afraid of awkward vibes, you just have to learn to control them.

Eye contact is a dangerous thing. But lovely, oh so lovely.

Weekend Vibes: I’m feelin’ myself

Take some time out this weekend just for you. Even if it’s a half hour where you just moisturize your entire body, take that time to just be feelin’ yourself. You deserve it, and it’ll improve the way you feel about yourself many times over.

Today, after I showered and shaved I used coconut oil as moisturizer and really took the time to massage my muscles and feel my skin beneath my fingertips. I do this at least a couple times a week and it keeps me confident about my skin and body.

Every Friday I’m going to post some of the things I do to keep myself feeling sexy and confident. Feel free to share your sexy weekend vibes with me here.

I also love to stretch and shake it to music while I’m getting ready for work. Stretching everyday seriously improves the way your body feels on a day to day basis. Get your sexy vibes on with any music you like that makes you feel flawless! (Can you guess what I’m listening to?)

2015: Wtf did your comfort zone ever do for you anyways?

Sexy isn’t about showing as much skin as possible, or even wearing skin tight clothes to show off your figure. It’s about accenting the parts of the body you feel are sexy in the moment. Mood is everything here. Everyday this can and will change. One day it can be your neckline and the next it can be your ass. For some people it might be their wrist, or their calves. Let this be entirely your own, and don’t be afraid to be unique.

In this image we see a casual and very well put together outfit that is beyond sexy! It’s not about the amount of skin she’s showing, it’s about how she clearly feels sexy in the clothes she’s in. She’s accessorized the look to take it from 0 to 100, real quick. And most importantly, it’s the way she carries herself. The way she stands, the way she looks at you, and the way she feels about herself when moving around in her day to day life. Our body language and posture say more about us than our words ever could because it’s a silent language that most people don’t realize they’re speaking, and even less people realize they’re interpreting, but we all speak it and we ALL interpret it.

To get good at this you don’t have to go to some finishing school where they make you walk around all day with a book on your head so your back stays perfectly straight and you learn to keep your shoulders back. In fact, it’s actually a lot sexier to slightly arch your back at all times, and it will keep your core muscles strong, and nip in your waist from keeping tension in muscles you might not be using that often.

High heels are also a very important part of her look. If she we were wearing flip flops or sneakers with this outfit it wouldn’t have nearly as much impact, or at least not as sexy an impact. It’s no secret that high heels on a woman lengthen the legs and keep the calf muscles engaged to keep your legs strong and toned. The real secret lies in your posture. When you wear high heels you have to be conscious of your steps and the way your entire body moves from the tips of your toes to the top of your head. I have and always will suggest that women LEARN to walk in heels. Yes, I said learn. It’s not a skill we are born with and while some women may find it easier to start walking in heels than others, it is still something that improves over time with practise. I was definitely NOT one of the women that found it easy, BUT I did practise and now have quite the strut, if I do say so myself. There’s nothing worse in the sexy style world than seeing a girl stomping around like a wounded horse. It’s appalling and we all inwardly cringe at the thought that we might walk like that.

Now, before I teach you about taking a simple outfit like this from 0 to 100, let’s start with the basics. Heels. Yes, I’m going to make sure you have a catwalk worthy strut before I’m through with you. Even if you never decide to stomp around the city (or small town) in a pair of Louboutin’s, I’m going to make sure you know how. This will drastically improve your feeling of being sexy. Trust me. And then, if ever there comes a day where heels are the only appropriate choice for footwear, you won’t panic and have an anxiety attack because no one has ever seen you wear anything ‘fancy’ so they spend the whole day analyzing your every move to see how awkward you are in evening attire. You’ll walk around like a natural, sexy woman, and you might even like it so much you decide to do it more often.

What I did to improve my strut (in and out of stiletto’s) was simple. I would walk around my apartment for as long as I could without letting my heel touch the floor. It doesn’t matter how high you can hold your heel off the floor in the beginning, but it does matter how you walk. Pay attention to the difference in how you carry yourself when pretending to walk in heels. There’s no one around to judge you so let the sexy come out. This is a safe environment to get your sexy on! At first your muscles will protest, you may even cramp up at times. Stretch it out and keep going. Time put in is going to determine your outcome, so I’m not going to give you some, do this 20 minutes 3 times a week bs. Just do it, often and the changes in your walk and overall posture will speak for themselves.

Step two is even simpler, put those shoes on! Find the sexiest pair you’ve got and strut around for as long as you can. Even while you clean, or cook, or read a book on the couch, keep them on and stay aware of the fact you have on a pair of stilettos. Don’t use wedges or chunky heels, use to skinniest, highest arch you’ve got and really strut it out. This is beginner stage stuff so don’t worry too much about stomping around like a horse. Just keep practising. Mirrors are you best friend here. Watch yourself. Look at the way you stand, and how you take steps. PRACTISE!

Try this at least once a week, more if you can manage. And if you don’t have the shoes, get your ass to a store and buy some. If you’re in Canada, Spring is a great choice if you’re on a budget. You can get a sexy pair of heels for easily under $50. It’s an investment is your overall satisfaction and therefore happiness, I recommend splurging if you can! Oh, and while you’re at it, grab some red lipstick, or even a darker shade, like cranberry or plum. Very sexy this season! Again, you can keep it behind closed doors for now, so don’t be shy. Step out of your comfort zone here. Wtf did your comfort zone ever do for you anyways?

Sexy is not a look, it’s an attitude.

Someone told me once when I was about 16, sexy isn’t a look, it’s an attitude. It stuck. And over the years it’s really evolved in my mind, and especially in my life.

I’m starting this blog because I think everyone (especially women) should feel and therefore be, sexy.

We’re all sexual creatures, and having grown up in a very open and diverse culture (Canada), I’ve been very lucky to be able to express myself sexually. That being said, there is a fine line I think that gets crossed more often than not amongst young women as to what is sexy and what is just a nasty, self debasing need for attention from men that have no idea how to treat a woman or girl. Pop culture today is a gross over expression of sexuality, and this is coming from a 27 year old woman who loves (and I mean LOVES) sex and hip-hop culture.

This blog is not only for talking about sex, it’s about sexuality, and feeling sexy. The how-to’s, the in’s and out’s of it all, and most importantly the voice of all women who are suppressed or afraid to be sexy. Just because you want to be a sexy woman doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re hoping to be good looking enough to walk around in short skirts with thigh high socks and bright red lipstick so that some asshole can cat call you when you walk by, and possibly take you home to fuck you once and never talk to you again.

I’m here to show you how to be sexy from a foundational level. It all starts with a feeling, which means it has nothing to do with the guy you’re crushing on or your arch nemesis who just so happens to be a smoke show, walking around with her head held high and seeming to get attention from every man on the planet. Believe me when I say, you may think this is what you want… wait until you get it and tell me if it’s really what you were looking for.

This is about you. How you feel about yourself. How you feel sexually. And that means getting really, reallllly, honest with yourself about your sexuality so you can express it in a way that makes you comfortable, keeps you safe and better yet, gives you satisfaction. What would it mean to you to be sexually satisfied, with and without a partner?

This is a discussion I’d like to start with any and all of my readers. Don’t be shy, and don’t hate. I wanna know who you are and what it is that makes you feel sexy. Together we’re going to change the way people think about their sexuality and hopefully in time, we can show the world that sex is not a bad thing and women with a healthy sense of self respect are sexual creatures just like men. We set the standard for how we want to be treated. Demand respect, and it will be given.

For me, at this stage in my life, a pair of stilettos and some red lipstick on a saturday night makes me feel beyond sexy. I strut like I’m walking a runway because I can. I let my hips sway from side to side and I touch my hair as often as I can. I’m also a bartender on the weekends, so when I’m really busy I find it sexy as fuuuck to be fast and accurate, to smile and dance between taking orders and making drinks. I love the music, so I’m always grinding and laughing with the girls I work with. It’s definitely one of the sexiest moments of my week… as I currently have a super LAME sex life… a topic for another post.

I’m going to let you guys in to my personal life experiences, to how I think and why I do the things I do that make me feel and look sexy. I realize this blog can easily go in the wrong direction, so please note, I will not tolerate grossness here. This is a real conversation for people that really love sex, sexiness, and sex appeal and want help expressing it in a positive way.

I wanna know, what makes you feel sexy? Comment below to start a discussion with me. It can be something material, like a hot pair of stiletto’s, or it can be a song or genre of music. It can be a fabric, or a colour of lipstick. It can even be another person, but if so please prepare yourself for the 20 questions I’ll be asking you to dig deeper into what really makes you tick.

Either way, we don’t judge here. We accept, interpret, and decipher to better suit your needs. As always, we got’chu.

E