theThrowBack

 

‘To fuck. Or not to fuck…
That’s almost always the fuckin’ question, isn’t it?
I am theConductor. And my favourite word is Fuck. –E’

12 years later…(somewhere in Canada)

Ok, the backstory first. Cuz you knowww there’s always a fuckin’ backstory containing the cruuucial details that make all the difference in the world. And I need some advice, for real though. I mean, what’s a woman to do when she simply can’t decide? Answer: Ask a friend. So I’m askin’.

Here’s the story.
This guy was actually the first sexual fantasy I ever had. How fucked is that? That’s pretty much all I remember about, let’s call him, theCoolKid. Ya, we’re going back to that shit, high school days. Fuck, pre-highschool even. He was my big brother’s friend when I was still in elementary school! I’m talking 10, 11 years old… nottt good years for my look. And I’m from a stuuupidly small town, like one highschool small, so we all grew up together. Him and my brother got close after a few years and he started coming over and hanging out more often. Cut to a year before highschool and if you know my stories you can imagine how incredibly sexual I was at this point, even if I wasn’t ready to explore that with someone else… but the truth is, I thought about it with this one. For the first time ever I wanted to reallllly know what it would be like to have that incredible orgasm I’d craved like a drug for years with someone else.

In my present memory of this little crush, it was short lived. We weren’t in the same circles at all. And there were really only a few to begin with. I was always a chameleon, in my mind, I floated from group to group and was kinda friends with everyone. Really I was a bit of a loner. I liked spending time on my own, I was always kinda doin my own thing. Social, but livin’ two lives forsure. He was, well theCoolKid. Everyone knew him, he was well liked. Even was nice to the ugly girls, blah blah. A social butterfly and the principal’s son.

I left this small town when I was 16 and JUST starting to get hot. I didn’t even hit puberty til 6 months later and was still a virgin. So cut to present, none of those people have seen me for 12 years minimum and I get this message, you guessed it, from theCoolKid a few days ago and he says he’s comin to myCity for the weekend and wants to link, if I’m interested. (P.S. Classic insecure addition to a perfectly cool request to link). So I rip through his facebook real quick and outside of seeming to have gained some weight, he looked like a decent enough guy. I was curious enough so I thought, fuck it, why not catch up? I message back and tell him I’m workin’ all weekend and he should stop by my bar and say hi with the friend he’s visiting with.

Next day is Friday and long story short, he goes to an event and stops by after. Let’s be specific though, cuz I know you wanna know, Ladies… What kinda guy is he? The rough and burley type. Used to be a basketball player. Jock from a small town, that’s his type to a tee. He’s theCoolKid. Always talkin’ and tellin’ jokes. He’s tall too, like 6’7” tall. Which is obviously sexy as fuck, but I ain’t into the beard, and his was scruffy and blah in my mind. Still kinda beautiful though. The eyes, the smile. And when I saw him in person he wasn’t as heavy and outta’ shape as I thought. Still athletic forsure, just one of those body types that if he isn’t constantly training he carries a bit of extra weight around the middle. More soft than anything, and to me, sloppy. Definitely not myStyle. I’m tiny as fuck and have incredible stamina in bed and an even more ferocious appetite. So I really need someone who can keep up and doesn’t crap out on me. I like to play the tap out game.

Hmmm, what else can I tell you to give you a good feel for this guy? Man, cuz I can break this down as ‘For’ and ‘Against’ all day long, just like the lawyer I used to wanna be. But the real question becomes… and really the only question is… is it worth it if it wasn’t worth it?

Hear me out, cuz there’s important shit I haven’t told you yet. Question: If he ain’t any good, or I just leave feeling like it was crap sex, or a shit connection, or whatever, like it was a waste of my youth when I’m gunna go home and fuck myself until I’m satisfied anyways…. will it have been worth it to fuck my childhood crush just for the sentimentality of it? You gotta weigh it out right? I can and always have fucked who I want, when I want, so after 10+ years of runnin’ a roster, it ain’t enough, the sentimentality of an old crush fuck is only worth it about half the time in my limited experience. Jus sayin.

How’s that shit for a dirty fuckin’ question. I laugh at guys who think they’re the only ones with twisted desires and fantasies and fetishes. Pfff, as if. You ever met a free woman with a fierce appetite for power and sex, one that matches perhaps even your own?

Ok, so we’re hangin’ out at the bar and it’s pretty slow, so I get off work early and we’re all hangin out, catchin’ up. End of the night comes, we’ve been drinkin’, him a lot more than me (Con, for anyone keepin’ score) and I got a Rule man, I almost NEVER fuck someone the first time when we’re drunk. It just ain’t my thing. If I’ve fucked the guy before that’s one thing, but the first time I wanna know forsure I can trust him in the simple ways I need to trust someone I sleep with. I’m a little girl man, you gotta be fuckin careful Ladies, no matter how smart and fast and fierce you think you are. You’re dealing with a man (refer to Louis C.K. HBO Special) if you ain’t gettin what I’m saying. And I just wanna, I need to experience a person. If I desire a man, and I wanna taste, then I wanna savour it like french cuisine. I wanna be present and clear, and fuckin in it.

Seriously though, I don’t wanna fuck simply for penis in vagina. That’s like masterbating with another person, not my jam. I wanna feel a man, through and through, even if it is just straight fuckin’. That’s definitely, 100% my jam. I wanna know how he fucks, and what he desires and I wanna play and control and submit, and just fuckin’ rawrrr, you know? Hahaha

So anyways, he’s jsut way too drunk for my taste, meaning you know I ain’t tryna’ fuck that night but maybe keep the link for another night before he leaves, cuz I’m still curious… and since we were really vibin’ and havin’ a great time catchin’ up and hearin’ about each other’s lives and shit I thought I’d be a good woman and bounce as soon as possible, not to let him think there was a chance that night. I don’t like to lead a guy on, or more so just waste people’s time. Even though I knew he wouldn’t like it, it was only cuz he wouldn’t understand I wasn’t fuckin’ him that night, no matter what. Even if it was my only chance and I’d never see him again I still probably wouldn’t. I’m talkin’ worse odds than the lottery here. Zero chance of fuckin’ me that night. Haha

But… I’m a fuckin’ sucker. Fu u u c k . And I stayed and kicked it later than I should’ve. A good girl would’ve gone the fuck home and not let it play out as long as I did. Chillin’ at his place and shit, not smart. He’s all, ‘we can just talk and hang out, it’s cool, we’re just vibin’ so good’, blah blah… And here lies the start of my dilemma. Before those extra hours it was a ‘who cares, I’ma just play this out and either way I’m cool with how this goes’ kinda vibe. Now, it’s this confession shit, layin together and getting all cozy. Too cozy. Lol. I was torn. I am fuckin’ torn. Of course I wanted to fuck. I always wanna fuck. Who the fuck doesn’t? Essspecially for a good fantasy fuck, like a throw back to your past, and I’m talkin’ your fuckin’ passst. This was the fuckin’ original, and he’s fuckin’ standin’ over me all 6’7″, lookin’ all entranced by my transformation from the scrawny little weirdo he knew TWELVE fuckin years ago. Don’t get me wrong, I’m on Facebook, I do post some pics and people have seen me change because of that but it’s a very different thing to see someone who grew up sexy as fuck that you knew from way back. Someone, he confessed later in the evening, that he had always had a majour crush on. BOOM. Validation. Satisfaction. The best thing I could’ve asked for from this one, other than a six pack with all that height, damn. (Truth: This wouldn’t even be a question if he took better care of himself. I’m a sucker for someone with massive self respect. Ha. What can I say?)

theConfession:
He told me that he used to live just a couple blocks away (which was news to me) and that he would sit there for hours sometimes and day dream about walkin’ over to my house, knockin’ on the door and just scooping me up and hugging me, and then just holding me. I ain’t even shittin’ you right now, that’s fuckin’ quoted. And he’s the best cuddler ever, btw cuz he’s tellin’ me all this shit in my ear, keepin’ me warm. I could only imagine how he fucks, cuz like a true control freak, I got up and fuckin left yo. My rules man, they’re there for a fuckin’ reason. So the struggle goes deeper.

Cuz if I fuck this kid, theCoolKid, I gotta be able to tell y’all the story in all it’s juicy details. I mean that’s why we listen to our friends bitch for hours about all their drama, is for the details, ain’t it? Maybe that’s just the lawyer in me, I’ve always thought like that… ‘weigh it out, is it worth it?’

On one hand, you could argue that I’ve always wanted to fuck this kid and therefore, why not?

On the other hand, I know already it’s a 50/50 split on whether or not it’s gunna be any fuckin’ good or not.

And truthfully, I don’t need decent sex right now, I need an incredible fuck.
Quote that shit Ladies. You can even take credit for it. 😉

Right now, what I have is incredible validation of a very old fantasy, and it feels damn good to know that he was right there with me, suffering with desire just like I was. I’ve always said man, that kinda shit is never one sided. You see someone on the street and you catch eye contact for just a split second and you had that sort of quick flutter feeling. I fuckin’ swear they felt it too. It’s so often mutual.

Now that I’m really thinkin about it too, there’s so many more details I could tell you about this story, but I’ve given you enough to make an educated guess and maybe even some good points about what I ‘should’ do, so I’ma leave you with this…

To fuck theThrowBack? Or not to fuck? That is the question.

I’ll be waiting to hear from y’all and be quick about it too, I got less than 24 hours to decide. #Werd

-E

Sexy is not a look, it’s an attitude.

This is what EBINOTTI is all about. It’s a brand, yes but it’s more than that. It’s a culture, a style, a way of life. Unapologetic. Fierce. Feminine. Sexy As Fuck.

-E

EBINOTTI

Someone told me once when I was about 16, sexy isn’t a look, it’s an attitude. It stuck. And over the years it’s really evolved in my mind, and especially in my life.

I’m starting this blog because I think everyone (especially women) should feel and therefore be, sexy.

We’re all sexual creatures, and having grown up in a very open and diverse culture (Canada), I’ve been very lucky to be able to express myself sexually. That being said, there is a fine line I think that gets crossed more often than not amongst young women as to what is sexy and what is just a nasty, self debasing need for attention from men that have no idea how to treat a woman or girl. Pop culture today is a gross over expression of sexuality, and this is coming from a 27 year old woman who loves (and I mean…

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If you win the rat race, you’re still just a fuckin rat.

I’m going to start Monday Motivation off today with a re-read of a much earlier post about the different categories of our lives, and what it really means to clarify our desires, as well as live our lives fully and spherically.
Check this one out, and later today I’ll be posting a second part to this, where we’ll be digging even deeper into the categories of life, and breaking down more about how you can shift and upgrade your attractions and desires.
Leave comments below if you try to live spherically and categorize your life for maximum potential!

E

EBINOTTI

Have you ever seen someone attractive and thought to yourself, ‘They’re a 7,’ and then you guys start talking and all of a sudden they’re way sexier, definitely a 10? Or the opposite, when you first see someone and they’re gorgeous, an easy 9 but then they open their mouth and speak and drop to more of a 5.5? My point is, it really isn’t just about looks anymore. Not your hair, your make-up, your outfit or your Loubou’s. That’s the easy shit and if you want to step your game up, you have to look at your image spherically. Let me explain…

Being sexy as fuck is about your attitude, the way you carry yourself and your demeanour as a whole. The way you present yourself is the way you feel about yourself. And believe me, we’re all as see through as a freshly polished window. This goes for women and men alike. Men don’t have as…

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Game Over.

His gaze is upon my naked body standing before him.
He smiles at me,
His eyes glowing as the smile reaches them.
His soul is bare through those eyes.

Pure ego.

He is lost to me,
For now I know it was never me
But the idea of me.
The quiet, meek, obedient me,
Sweet and tender.

Pure self.

I think it’s time I properly introduce myself.
Your ego, meet my ego.

Game over.

E

We Love Cake

“You can’t have your cake and eat it too,” So they say. I duno who ‘they’ is, but I know they talk bullshit like this way too often.

Today I’m gunna tear this down in layman’s terms so we can get a deeper understanding of why you should aim for not just getting your cake and eating it too but having every kind of cake you can dream about and more importantly why you shouldn’t listen to anyone still stuck in the mentality that abundance is hard to come by. It’s a lie and it’ll do nothing but keep you stagnant. The great lie is ‘there isn’t enough for everyone’ and so all of life’s luxuries are meant only for a small group of people, selectively not your dumb, undeserving, ungrateful ass. Haaa. What a crock!

I grew up rebellious with my middle finger in the air to anyone who felt I wasn’t smart enough, or lucky enough, or basically wasn’t capable enough for a plethora of reasons, I’m sure, none of which having anything to do with me. My favourite of which being that I’m just a poor, helpless female who should be happy in finding a man to take care of her… grandparents, gotta love ‘em. No, seriously you gotta love ‘em or they’ll beat you with their damn slipper!

Annnyways, like I was saying, I have always been and will probably always be more than willing to stand aside from the crowd, no matter how lonely it can be. And trust me, for all of you new to unconventional thinking and breaking the barriers you’ve allowed around you for far too long, this is a lonely path to travel. I can promise you this though, the people that do make their way into your life will leave you breathless at times based on sheer understanding and bonds formed of similar souls. It’s magnificent, truly.

Those are the most precious moments, when you’ve decided to give in to all your dreams and starting making moves to live you life for yourself and you begin to see all your desires coming to fruition… you have people attracted to your life socially, personally and professionally. Together you build magnificently, and one day you just wake up and realize your cake tastes damnnn good. It doesn’t feel unconventional at all, instead everything you love and create feels like the most natural thing in the world to you. It’s invigorating and thrilling, it keeps you sharp and ever learning. It excites you like nothing you could ever have imagined and it challenges you in ways you never dreamed you could succeed with such joy and ease.

I don’t know about you, but if there’s even a chance of living all of the above, I’m going for it. Full steam ahead! Wtf else am I gunna do? Am I the only one out there bored as fuck? I need thrilling adventures in business and creative achievements in art, and fierce passion in my sex and love life all simultaneously to even scratch the smallest itch of fulfillment and satisfaction. I’m workin’ on this on the daily, are you? Am I the only one that feels this way?

Seize the moment. Don’t you wanna be unforgettable? Then be brave. Just a moment can change everything.

You’ve seen it, you’ve felt it for yourself. It’s easier for us to remember the tragic ones, the worst moments that changed our lives forever afterwards but there are incredible moments too and these are the moments we should remember and cherish.

The moments worth striving for are the moments that can change the game forever.

In a mere second your life can change forever and you can feel as if everything you ever desired was suddenly already yours, even if you haven’t gotten it yet. The question is, how do we achieve these euphoric moments consistently and continue them into the unknown?

It’s easier than you might think and we’re going to shred this one until it’s clear. No theories without evidence here. We’re going to test the theory until we create our greatest desires, together.

E

All Woman.

Being International Women’s Day I felt that a post was needed. I usually post Monday-Friday but this is a special occasion! It’s all about women, although I write it so anybody can relate or find value in the concepts I put forth.

It all started with the idea: ‘Sexy Isn’t A Look, It’s An Attitude’ It’s about inspiring women to find the strength and inspiration within themselves to achieve and create anything they can imagine and desire in this beautiful world.

There is energy within us, power… magic, and if we can learn to control and then unleash our energy we can truly create anything we desire in this life. It’s about more than confidence, it’s about more than feeling good, it’s about awareness.

Think about it this way, as a woman, when you’re wearing something that truly makes you feel sexy, maybe a little cocktail dress and some sexy stilettos, you walk out of your house and do whatever you’re going to do and as you move through your day you have this air about you… it gives everyone around you energy, your day seems to just ‘click’ and flow. It’s fun, it’s fluid, it’s magical.

It’s wasn’t about the clothes or the Louboutin’s on your feet… it was the feeling you had within you that attracted all these events to go so well. And I’m here to tell you, it wasn’t a coincidence that you had the most incredible day. You created that day. Every little thing that worked out beautifully was attracted to you from the energy you were giving off, as if you were sprinkling fairy dust all over your day and leaving a stunning trail of star dust behind you as magnificent as a comet’s tail. It’s an energy, it’s an attitude, and it will attract it’s likeness. Of that, I promise you.

Life is a journey, an extraordinary game that can bring good or bad to the world as a whole. It seems that some play this game so well it’s as if they know something the rest of us are barely scratching the surface of. Have you ever wondered, when they write our story in the history books, when they look back on us from a thousand years in the future, what will they say? Will they say we evolved at all, or will they say we were mindless, soulless slaves to a system we didn’t even know existed?

I will teach you everything I know about how to find the energy within yourself to create anything your heart can desire and your mind can imagine… and together we might just change the world. I am here with you on this journey called life, if I can improve it in any way, I will. You are not alone.

E

I’m what you need

Monday is a great day to start fresh. It’s the beginning of the week no matter what industry you’re in and it has a natural feeling of newness. We should wholly embrace and embody this energy and use it as a sign that it’s time to get the unfulfilling shit out of the way so we can focus and work on what’s actually important to us.

They say the company you keep determines your greatness in the end. So, if by chance you have anyone around you that takes more than they give, in any capacity, today is a great day to cut them off and move on. Without a word, without a confrontation, without mention of it to anyone. Simply, in your mind make the conscious choice to cut your losses, be thankful for the smiles, laughs and good times… and move on.

People may not intend to leave you unsatisfied, they may not harbor any ill will towards you in any way, but if you’re not getting what you need from a person, then what you think you want isn’t getting you what you actually want, is it?

Momentary happiness will leave you unsatisfied if you’re first not getting what you need. It’s just another distraction keeping you entertained and not focused on the path before you.

2015 is the Year of the Beast and if you wanna be part of the movement then you have to get something straight right away, you have to know who you are, your desires, and most importantly, your reasons for what you love. The why is crucial to figuring it all out, if you have any doubts on your chosen focus. You have to know what you need, without a doubt. It’s the only way to get what you want and to hold onto it forever. I can show you how to get really, reallllly fuckin’ clear with what you need, but you gotta be the one to put in the work of understanding yourself because nobody can tell you what you want. That’s the fun part though, free will baby. You get to choose, anything you want in this world, all that your heart could ever desire and then some is sitting out there waiting for you to choose it.

We’ve been taught, trained, and even brainwashed to deny what we desire and straight up lie to ourselves about what we need to live a life of abundance and happiness. You can change this conditioning at any time. It all ties in to your desires. What you desire is who you truly are. It’s the deepest part of your soul speaking to you. You are your soul, your mind, and your body but if you deny the soul when it speaks through your mind, when you crave through your body, if you attempt to silence your deepest desires, you’ll live in misery, unsatisfied, unfulfilled, wondering until the end of your days, where did I go wrong?

Now is the time, every great guru will tell you, it’s the year of more. And I’m telling you now, it’s the Year of the Beast. So if you want more, you gotta be real with yourself. It’s not about how hard you work but it is about determination. You gotta find something you want AND need, something you hunger for above all else and the work will feel like living, like life. Don’t you dare try and act ashamed of something that makes you vibrate on a whole new level. This is what we live for. That thing you find that gets you so excited about life, that’s what you live for. It won’t matter if people around you understand it or not, if you have that feeling that life is grand and you are extraordinary, follow your bliss with all your heart and soul and leave behind anyone that doesn’t understand. Cut off, with no remorse anyone who tries to tell you your dreams are too big or your goals are unachievable. They’re mediocre (for now) and their opinion of the situation will get you nowhere. Move on, alone. This is something in your heart and you don’t need gratification or permission from anyone to follow it.

If you don’t believe in you, that’s fine. I mean, you’re a pussy and a coward (for now), but that’s fine, cuz I still believe in you. And I always will. I believe in humanity. And I believe that you have something special, something that you do better than anyone else on the planet. Not even better, but more fluidly, more naturally, more fully. There is something in this world that loves you so much it’s been screaming for you to discover your talent since the beginning. It’s been in your soul and in your heart since the moment you existed. It’s what you were created for and your heart is your guide. You have to learn to listen to it. It’s your most trustworthy ally, and it will never lead you astray.

Take control, take the wheel and drive. This is your life and this is the Year of the Beast. If you don’t, you’ll still have a good life, but we’ll eat you alive like the cattle that you are.

Decide, and then step your game up. I believe in you and I’m here with you, every step of the way, to keep you on track and focused on the big picture. I’ll always be in your corner now, follow me here and you’ll never be alone.

E

Rules of Running A Roster: Rule #1…

‘Honesty is usually the best policy.’

Incase you missed the first post about Running A Roster.

If you play this game of sleeping with multiple people at the same time, this will make a lot of sense to you. If not, keep an open mind, it may not be your way of thinking, but it’s an interesting subject considering how many people play this game, and even more interesting because of how many intelligent, honest, and good-hearted people play this game like amateurs. Now, let’s get into it…

When you’re Running A Roster it seems morally obvious that honesty is the best policy but of late, I’ve come to disagree. Honesty is usually the best policy, but it’s not always the best choice for either party. Allow me to explain.

I lived most of my life based largely on the ‘always go with the brutally honest truth’ mentality because I figured morally it was the only way to play the game. If you’re always honest with the people you’re getting involved with then at least your karma is clean because they know what they’re getting into and if they decide to get involved it was their own choice, they’re responsible for their own feelings and how they handle the situation. Unfortunately I learned the hard way that not everything needs to be said, and not every question deserves an answer, and DEFINITELY that not every person wants the honest answer to the question they just asked. (You can’t handle the truth!) Yes, I said it, some people can’t handle the truth, and therefore it’s your responsibility to at least try and protect your partners from themselves. If it’s just sex, then you don’t have to worry so much about the best policy of what should and should not be said. Chances are if they can’t handle this kind of truth, they also can’t handle being a play thing either, while others will thrive with this kind of freedom. I prefer my #1 or #2 on my Roster to be a late night fuck friend only, for the simplicity of it all. It’s low stress and always a good time, low maintenance and unemotional sex. These guys should be really good for your ego and even better for your body. You should always be light hearted and happy around your guys classified as toys only and more importantly, friends separately, if at all.

Be a good person and take good care of your boys, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. Be HONEST and straight forward, the only kind of games that should be played here are the fun ones. Simple and all kinds of kinky good fun, no emotion need be part of the game. They should be a great work out and an easy partner to keep satisfied. High demand and even higher stamina are a must for me in this kind of lover.

Now… if you’re presenting honesty with a Casual Sex partner (my #2’s & 3’s), you should be a bit more delicate, especially if this is someone you chill and smoke with, or however you chill and spend time. It’s easier for emotions to come into play with this one, which might be the reason we debate the ability for people to sustain a casual sex relationship over time. They say, ‘Someone always gets hurt in the end.’

I think the most important way we can nurture this kind of casual thing is to be selectively honest, and I don’t mean lie, there’s a subtle difference, but an important one. When you don’t tell someone the truth because you know they can’t handle it, you can tell them just that. Tell them, they don’t actually want the answer to the question they’re asking. You’re being honest and it gives them an opportunity to re-evaluate their train of thought. 9 times out of 10 they want a problem they have with the relationship solved. Being honest but not answering questions like “How many other people are you sleeping with?’ or ‘Why do you sleep with more than one person at a time?’ can give you some room to find their dissatisfaction with your relationship.

For example, when a woman asks the same questions she doesn’t wanna know how many other people you’re fucking or why you’re fucking them, she wants to know why you don’t fuck her more often, and possibly, why you don’t ask to fuck her more often. This is just one example, which brings me to my next point. Each situation is different because each person is different, so you will do a lot of deciphering of body language, messages and possibly misinformation. People don’t realize how bad they are at trying to get what they want out of a sexual relationship sometimes, both sexes. I’ve been studying people and why they do the things they do for a very long time now and honestly, men and women mostly want the same things. Isn’t that an inspiring thought? We all want the same thing.

Be brave enough to be open and honest with your partner AND yourself! This is HUGE if you wanna play this game successfully. Communication is key, not just what you say, but what you don’t.

Step your game up!

Go check RULE #2: ‘Respect the Boundaries’

E

Weekend Vibes: Can you imagine?

I’m opening the Vault yet again to tell you another Secret about what I do to feel sexy and satisfied in my day to day life.

When it comes to guys and dating we usually take for granted what they offer because of what we expect. Expectations aren’t all bad, they allow you to understand what you want and need to be satisfied and content. You can use your awareness of what you desire to improve your sex and love life if you stay honest with yourself throughout the experience and learn to fantasize, truly and deeply. He may not be the best you’ve ever had, or the best you’ll ever have but he can be anything you like in your fantasies and if you learn to play this game well, it will change your life.

When we hook up with the wrong guy over and over again, even though we know there’s better out there, our friends might think we’re crazy or like the abuse, and eventually we turn into crazy demanding bitches, we’re not helping the cause of finding the right man for us, we’re actually just playing a very simple game like amateurs. Usually this fantasy gets us nowhere in the real world because our version of the relationship lives in our minds, meaning it’s just not a reality and we allow our expectations of him and our fantasies of him to mash up. This is a mistake.

This technique is often referred to as ‘the pedestal.’ We put a guy on a pedestal and allow him to treat us with less respect than we (and our friends) know we deserve. If you’re unsure as to why you do this, please allow me to explain from my own personal experience.

The affair goes something like this, you meet him, he’s sexy and confident as he approaches you to see if he can get some one on one time. You say yes of course, and make plans to go for drinks or dinner (or to the carnival, wherever) and when you finally get him one on one, he’s perfect. He’s sweet and funny, and has interesting things to say about life or things you two have in common. (Quick note here: get as much info about him outta that first date as you can, it might be the only real conversation you two have, even if he is just trying to make himself seem better than he actually is). You guys hook up after a date or two and wow, that first time he really does a number on you. He’s got stamina and skill and he pulls out all the stops. There’s multiple positions, oral throughout and just a bit of kinky fun with biting and ass slapping, maybe a little squeeze around your throat and if you’re lucky, multiple orgasms as well. Based on this first experience your mind runs wild with fantasies for probably about a week. By week 2 you’re completely thrown by this guy and already have a list of expectations on how you want to be treated and how you want him to act towards you. Another mistake.

What you don’t know and should is that he’s about to change. You can always tell what a man wants from you by how he chooses to play out the day after your first time hooking up, and the week that follows. Most guys will ask how you’re doing, how the experience was for you, they might even be so brash as to ask how much you liked that dick and if you’d ever sleep with him again. And be thankful if he does, because it’s the easiest answer you’re ever gunna get about him being into the sex and probably nothing more, not even chillin’. And even more importantly, it’s probably not going to be as good the next time you guys hook up, if you decide to hook up with him again. This is key to the conclusion of what he’s looking for. If the second time you guys hook up he’s half as good, then you know it was a game of conquest for him, not necessarily a bad thing but you need to be aware of it if you want to remain content with the relationship. He’s probably willing to keep you around as a hook up, and you can keep the messaging and calling as one sided (him messaging you or initiating conversation) to see how often he’s interested in seeing you. Again, awareness and clarity are the name of the game in reality.

I can and will break down how to play this cat and mouse game of power to get what you want outta him and for yourself, but another time in another category. This category is about you feeling sexy and satisfied and this post is about fantasies and how visualizing the ideal you want from someone can change your sex life forever.

Before you start thinking all the craziness about where this is going and what he’s actually thinking and all that shit, let yourself enjoy the fantasy of that first night. You’ll have it with you forever and you should use it to it’s full potential, regardless of what happens between you and the actual guy, from here on out you have a fantasy version of him. Use it.

In your fantasies, he can be everything you want him to be, and everything you NEED him to be, and this is where the real evolution comes into the game. Allow yourself to fantasize about what he means to you, how you see your relationship with him if you could have him anyway you want him, the best version of him. Clarity is everything in real life, but in fantasy you can really say ‘fuck the box’.

When you come back to earth after that first deep and dark fantasy and have achieved at least 3 orgasms to clear your mind of your sexual desires, you can ask yourself if you think he’s capable of being that man. This is a very important part of the exercise. If you think there’s potential for him to treat you the way you need him to treat you then you can go forward in the reality of the game and see how he reacts to your desires. You can also decide, if he wants something that’s less than you need from him, if you’re willing to continue with the game he has decided to play. You remove the power from any other players in the game when you remain aware of your own needs. That’s the ultimate achievement of fantasizing, you get to choose if you want to continue based on how you’d like to be treated, the orgasms are the bonus prizes of a crucial outcome of the game, your happiness.

You get very clear about what you’re looking for. And no matter what a guy wants out of his sex life, you need to understand what you want out of yours first. Neither of you has reasons that are more important than the other, they may be different, but both are relevant. Everyone deserves to get what they desire, so you can’t be mad at him if he doesn’t want the same thing from you as you want from him, especially if you didn’t establish those boundaries before sleeping together. And vice versa. You can’t just decide that someone should want the same thing as you because you said so, life doesn’t work that way and you may end up hurting more than just yourself, you could hurt him too. Don’t be a crazy bitch with no common sense, step your game up.

If you want something you can’t have, you fantasize. Let it be your favourite fantasy and let the reality of it go. This goes both ways. Men and women need to accept the differences in themselves and others, not just in sex and dating but in everything in this world. If someone isn’t hurting you or others, then let it go if they don’t desire the same things as you, it’s not your decision to make. You can’ t control someone else, no matter how much power you think you deserve. (Another quick note: if power is a majour desire of yours, whether it’s giving it up or controlling it, I will be digging deep into the world of BDSM and the games of power played in the next few months in my ‘The Art of Seduction’ segment posted Wednesdays. If this intrigues you, click that Follow Button.)

Fantasies are a great way to achieve balance in your sex and love life and live without feeling loss or like you weren’t good enough. Visualize your desires, take yourself to the moment you seek, and be fully submersed in it. It can be a specific guy, in a specific place, in a specific way… and let me tell you, when you have good visuals from a previous experience with him, what you can do with those mental images are endlllllless. Let him be your fantasy and let any ill will towards him go.

Your dating life will improve because you won’t allow someone to treat you worse than you fantasize them treating you. If you do allow disrespect, it won’t feel good and you won’t as easily be able to deny the reality of the situation. Your reality and your fantasy will naturally come together and you’ll attract people that help you live your fantasies in reality.

Can you imagine?

E

2015: Pampered Queen

Pamper yourself.

Whether you go to the salon and get your hair done, or the nail bar to get your nails done, or the spa for a massage and body wrap, it is so important that you designate chunks of time every week just for you. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how much it lifts your spirits and the extra energy it gives you so you can give more back to the people around you that you love. You will feel sexier and that energy is extremely powerful.

There’s something in the saying ‘give to yourself first’ that has resonated with me recently. I have always been a giver in my personal life, allowing people at times to suck me dry and leave me scrounging for enough emotional and physical energy to get through a single day, but once I became aware of my own energy, of my own body and it’s needs, I learned to take those minutes, hours, and sometimes entire days out for myself to ‘recharge.’ Mentally cleansing is something we should be practising on a day to day basis, but what about our physical bodies? Should not just as much care be put into them as well?

When you go to a salon you walk in and they take your coat, ask if you’d like something to drink and lead you to a comfortable place to sit with magazines and the like to wait for you stylist to greet you. You may not realize that something has changed in your surroundings and therefore your energy, but it has. You are now in an environment where people are there solely to take care of you, as you are doing for yourself, and it’s this selfless act of the people around you that makes all the difference. You have decided to call up a great salon instead of looking for the cheapest deal because you want the best for your hair and yourself and when you arrive for your appointment everyone is there to take care of you. They’re supporting your choice to pamper yourself. And this is extremely powerful for your energy. We should never downplay the impact that others have in our ives. Whether you like it or not, you cannot do it all alone. You need companionship and support, even if you’re paying for it.

A spa is the same, it’s about de-stressing and relaxation. Again, there are people designated to support and care for you as soon as you walk in the door. I can barely begin to explain how much this can effect your life and over-all health. Your energy and mentality will be balanced and brought back to neutral, you may possibly even delve into the realm of pleasure if you’re really aware of how much you’re enjoying the experience.

Your awareness plays a big role in your overall enjoyment and therefore your ability to allow these things to balance your life.

In a world as fast-paced and extreme as ours, it’s important to keep your balance, and the easiest way to do this, if you have no practise, is to pamper yourself. Go get your nails done, and your hair done. Go to a spa and have a massage or if they offer it, go for a float. All these things will keep you centred, balanced and sexy as fuuuck so you can take on the world and achieve your deepest desires and greatest dreams!

Now, I realize that some of you may not have the funds to divulge in such pleasure as going to the spa and the salon and the nail bar all in one month, so prioritize. See which one or two of these are the most important and functional in your life and make them part of your routine. As for the other things, you can always find ways to create an environment for yourself that will allow you to calm and balance your energy.

Bubble baths at home should never be under-valued. They’re great if you find a wonderful bubble bath with some aroma therapy (again my favourite is from Bath & Body Works), light a few candles, even bring in a glass of wine and just like that you’re transported anywhere you can imagine in this beautiful world of ours. Allow your mind to follow your body into relaxation.

Mani’s at home. I’ve been doing this since I was a little girl, so I’m quite good at it. If you enjoy painting and sculpting your nails, that’s an easy way to save money and still pamper yourself. Designate a night every week or two and get a good movie going, and pamper away! Great when you invite a girlfriend over and do it together.

There’s endless ways to pamper yourself and it really all depends on what you like and what you LOVE. Take the time to ask yourself what you love and let others help you in taking care of yourself. And start now. What can you easily implement into your life right now to take you to the status of Pampered Queen?